281: Wins and Losses 2023
Before we dive in, I want to share a little story from a mom I recently worked with:
“I jumped on the RRT sessions to help me lessen the anxiety I had about an upcoming trip. Previous experiences traveling with a family member had left me shut down, upset, and unable to enjoy my time. I didn't want to repeat the same thing. In our sessions, we talked about what I was afraid of, we visualized, and Megan guided me to a place where my nervous system reaction would no longer freeze up and freak out. During my trip, there were some of the same issues I noticed, and how much clearer my brain was and how much stronger I felt. I still hated some of this person's behaviors but I was able to see them for what they were, take care of me, and still make the most of our trip. If you are struggling with any anxieties, I highly recommend Magean; she's so kind and knowledgeable and helps you feel comfortable. As a busy mom and entrepreneur, I loved how the sessions kept working in the background of my life without me having to add anything extra to my full plate.”
I wanted to quickly say that I’ve changed the setup of my calls, where you pay one time and then get as many sessions as you need to clear that issue. So you come for a specific issue, whether it’s anxiety or trauma, and then we work together on that issue until it’s gone, however many sessions you need! If you’re interested in learning more, you can get my free training about anxiety and trauma at www.getridofanxietyforgood.com
Learned:
Resting in the waiting. It was very challenging to live on the bus when we were ready to be done living on the bus. I was ready to be done, like in May or June, and we ended up living in it until November. It’s a long time to live in that kind of way when you’re ready to be done. But anyway, when we imagined coming back to Minnesota, we hoped to buy a house, but there were so many unknowns and fears as well. How would it happen? Housing prices are so high, but so is rent. So either way, it’s a cost of living these days. So we planned on coming back to Minnesota in October and hopefully buying a house sometime and if that didn’t work out, then we would rent, and if that didn’t work out, I guess we would keep living in the bus. Because even rentals for our size of family are hard to come by. Not many people are willing to rent to a family of nine. So, anyway, I would go from what is going to happen to: are we buying a house? Are we renting? Are we going to keep living on the bus for another year? Not knowing what was coming next was challenging. And then we would get questions like, Why are you planning on coming back to Minnesota when you don’t even have a house or rental lined up? Well, we haven't found one yet, so how can we have one lined up if we haven’t found one? But here’s the lesson I learned: It was very challenging to be in this space of not knowing. I have no idea if it will all work out, but then I would go back into this space of trusting that it will all work out. I had no idea how. I didn’t know how we would buy a house if we found one, or if we put in an offer, if we would get it—all the things. But I kept going back to trusting it would all work out. Not only did this feel much better for me, but it did all work out. Like perfectly. There were no hiccups in closing. We went and looked at houses in person one day, and we bought one of the houses we looked at that day. There were no issues anywhere along the way. It just went great.
So, it’s a reminder to me for all things in my life that I can intend to do something, move towards it, and plan on that happening, but also that, in the end, everything will go exactly how it’s supposed to go. I just start going, and things work themselves out, and I trust that everything will happen how it’s supposed to. That gives me a lot of peace and I like placing my trust in that.
Part of living on the bus longer than when I didn’t want to anymore was grounding and regulating my body in a constantly changing, unstable environment. We were constantly wondering where we were going to sleep that night. Especially out west on the coast, where there weren’t any good places to park. It’s fine if you’re boondocking and there are lots of places to park, but when you get places that have nowhere to park, and even places like Walmart, you can’t park, and we can’t drive the bus at night because the lights go out sometimes (something we have to get fixed at some point), so it adds a level of stress. I guess if we could keep driving if we can’t find a spot, that’s fine, but the added layer of we can’t drive at night made it more stressful. So in the beginning of our travels, all those stressors were just fine, because the joys and the ability to travel like that completely outweighed the stressors. Towards the end, it started to flip-flop, where the stressors outweighed the joys, and then it’s made us so thankful to be in a house now. But it was challenging to continue to ground my body and my mind and navigate all those stressors, so that was a very hard thing this year.
Business is challenging and will test you in every possible way. Being an entrepreneur, growing a business, and helping others may seem simple to people outside, but it’s one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done. So again, this year, growing my business and thus expanding my capacity to help others has challenged me in many ways.
One lesson that came home to me was to permit myself to work on my business and get a babysitter to help out so I can focus on work when I’m working. And worrying about what other people think of me as I go about helping others isn’t helping me help others. So I’ve just been bringing my focus to those looking for what I have to offer and speaking to them only. I don’t care about what anyone else thinks. I’m just here to help the ones I’m helping. So that’s pretty freeing. But it is a challenging lesson to learn.
Amazing things:
We traveled to the countryside. We went to Florida, across the southern states, Arizona, stayed in Utah for 3 months, had a baby there, then went west, through Nevada, California, Oregon, and Washington, and then did a loop back towards Minnesota.
It’s kind of crazy to think that we are traveling all that much. It kind of feels like a distant memory at the moment, as I love being in a house, but, amazingly, we’ve done all that. We have so many great memories from those times when we were traveling, and
I started learning Rapid Resolution Therapy back in February, and it’s changed my life and now how I work and work with people. It’s been incredible. It makes so much sense to me, but not only that, I’m able to make a difference for people so quickly and so clearly, and it just gives me a lot of purpose in helping people in this way. And then it’s changed my life in so many ways. So much energy that I’ve spent on different preoccupations, worries, or anxieties, and getting some sessions done for myself has freed me up from a lot of that.
I switched recently towards gearing more towards anxiety and trauma specifically, and that’s been so amazing. Because again, I can make such a difference with that.
With grief, I have taught and still believe it’s something you learn to carry, process, and lighten, but the trauma and anxiety parts of it are not parts that need to continue to be there. Grief is lifelong; trauma and anxiety can be healed. So it’s amazing to just get it cleared up and healed for these moms I’ve been working with. It’s incredible to see the changes so quickly. Healing trauma and anxiety don’t take away grief, but it sure makes life easier when you’re not terrified every moment someone else will die, or you’re not reliving their death, or you’re not jumping at loud noises and being terrified to go to sleep.
I love living in a house. It’s amazing to have a place where we can stay. We don’t have to leave. I love sitting at home and going nowhere. I’m sure my travel itch will come back. But for now, I’m so happy to just be at home. It’s amazing. It’s more space that we know what to do with, even though it’s not a big house, because we have come from such a tiny space in the bus. And we have to buy everything—all new furniture, everything. So it’s just one thing at a time. One space at a time, but I love being intentional about what I’m buying and what we are bringing in. I just really want to create this space that is homey, cozy, and welcoming.
Looking back on my vision board for the year, seven things that were on there happened, so that’s cool. I’m excited to make another vision board and see what happens next year! How I made my vision board is that I put a bunch of pictures together in Canva and made a collage of sorts, and then I downloaded it as the background on my computer and my phone. So every time I use my devices, I see it. It's kind of a fun thing to do.
We had baby number 8 this year, and sometimes I don’t know how I have 8 kids because I still feel like I’m 20 years old and just got married, but here we are. And I’ve realized that while most people consider our family to be very large, I’m not sure I will always feel like we have a big family. Only for the fact that we have 8 kids, but I’m only taking care of 7. So there’s always this missing hole, emptiness, in our family that makes our family feel smaller, even if there's a lot of kids. Our baby is just a bright joy of sunshine, and it’s so amazing to watch the older kids interact with him. A baby just brings so many blessings to a family, and everyone benefits. Watching the kids love him is just so cute.
So I think that’s enough for now. As always, I’m sure there’s more. When I sit down with Justin to review our year and plan our next one, maybe some other things will come up that I’m not thinking of right now.
But I encourage you to do something like this in your life. It’s amazing to look back on your year, process the lessons, and notice the things that went well. And then dream about the next year.
I know I’m kind of in a transition from a grief-only podcast to a motherhood podcast, so I want to acknowledge that doing this kind of thing can be impossible and hard if you're in deep grief. So I get it if it doesn’t interest you. However, I do think doing it gives a sense of purpose, and having goals in your life gives some sort of meaning. Which can be hard to find after your child has died.
So, here are my wins and losses for the year 2023. I guess it’s not completely over yet, but just about.
Take care, and I'm sending you love this New Year's. Whether you’re ready to dive into a new year or dreading the new year, be gentle with yourself wherever you’re at.
Again, come check out my free training on anxiety and trauma and how to get rid of it for good by going to www.getridofanxietyforgood.com
Have you felt anxiety after your child died?
The racing mind, unable to sleep, waiting for the next bad thing to happen, unable to breathe, panicky kind of anxiety, whole body riddled with anxiety?
Watch my free video on anxiety and grief below!
So that you can think clearly, feel calm in your body, and live your life without the chains of anxiety.
