337: How Your Mom Brain Really Works: The Secret of the Subconscious Mind
Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!
Have you ever become a mom and thought... "I don’t even recognize myself anymore?"
Maybe you find yourself anxious over things that never used to bother you.
Maybe you’ve felt overwhelmed, panicky, numb, or emotionally reactive and thought, “Where is this coming from?”
Maybe you’ve had moments where your body is in full alert—heart racing, stomach sinking—and your mind is spinning, even though nothing bad is happening.
You might think you’re just not cut out for motherhood. But I want you to know—this isn’t about weakness or failure.
It’s about a powerful force running behind the scenes: your subconscious mind.
Today, I want to invite you behind the curtain to understand what's really going on beneath the surface—why you might feel constantly anxious, emotionally raw, or like you’re carrying invisible weight.
Because this isn’t just fascinating—it’s the foundation for healing your anxiety, trauma, and overwhelm at the root.
What Exactly Is the Subconscious Mind?
Picture your mind like an iceberg. The tip above water? That’s your conscious mind—the part that’s trying to stay calm, read parenting books, and manage the chaos.
But beneath the surface lies the massive hidden part—your subconscious mind. This makes up 95% of your brain activity.
It’s your body's automatic operating system—controlling things like breathing and digestion—but it also holds your deepest emotional programming.
Every experience you’ve ever had, especially ones with strong emotional charge, is stored there—without you needing to think about it.
And that’s what starts taking the wheel in motherhood, especially when you're tired, stressed, or triggered.
Why Motherhood Often Activates Old Wounds and Hidden Patterns
For many moms, the transition into motherhood brings up anxiety, panic, or emotional struggles they’ve never had before. Or it reawakens old trauma they thought was long gone.
Here’s why:
1. You’re Exhausted
Sleep deprivation weakens your brain’s ability to regulate emotions. Your conscious, rational mind gets quieter. Your subconscious gets louder.
2. Your Children Mirror Your Past
When your child throws a tantrum, clings too tightly, or rejects you, it may unconsciously echo your childhood experiences—and awaken old pain.
3. The Pressure is Intense
Motherhood often feels like the most important job in the world—because it is. That pressure to “get it right” sends your stress hormones soaring, making it harder to stay calm or connected.
4. Trauma Doesn’t Stay Buried Forever
Maybe you’ve experienced a loss, an abusive relationship, a chaotic upbringing, or simply lived in survival mode for years.
Becoming a mom often cracks open those old wounds. Not because you’re broken—but because motherhood demands deep presence. And presence brings up anything you haven’t yet healed.
How the Subconscious Stores—and Reacts to—Your Past
Your subconscious doesn’t operate in words or logic. It runs off emotion, memory, and survival instinct. And it stores experiences in different ways:
• Neutral Memories:
Like brushing your teeth—no big deal.
• Emotionally Charged Memories ("Little t" Trauma):
Like being ignored, shamed, or made to feel small. Your subconscious remembers the emotion, not just the facts. These memories are tagged: “Avoid this at all costs.”
So when your toddler rejects your help, it might unconsciously trigger the rejection you felt at age 10. You might feel intense anxiety, anger, or panic—and not know why.
• Unresolved Big “T” Trauma:
These are events like abuse, loss, or medical trauma. When left unprocessed, your brain interprets anything similar as “it’s happening again RIGHT NOW.”
That’s why a mom who lost a child may spiral when her baby is slightly late waking from a nap—or why a mom who’s been through trauma might freeze, rage, or shut down in moments that seem “minor” on the outside.
The Science: Trauma Changes Your Brain and Your Body
Research shows trauma and chronic anxiety rewire your brain. It literally changes how your nervous system responds to stress.
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk writes in The Body Keeps the Score that trauma doesn’t just live in your mind—it lives in your body.
That tight chest, pit in your stomach, or sense that you’re “not safe”? It’s not irrational. It’s your body remembering something your mind can’t even fully name.
And when your nervous system is stuck in a constant state of hypervigilance or shutdown, it’s not just hard to parent. It’s hard to feel like yourself.
The Incredible (and Hopeful) Part: You Can Rewire It
Your subconscious may have been programmed by your past—but it’s not permanent.
Through intentional healing, your brain can change. Your body can feel safe again. You can rewire the patterns that cause your anxiety, panic, rage, or numbness.
Your subconscious responds to:
Repetition (practicing new beliefs and patterns)
Emotion (connecting to healing experiences)
Visualization and symbolism
Relaxed, trance-like states (like meditation, EMDR, subconscious reprogramming, or the tools I teach in my programs)
This is why just "thinking positive" doesn't work. Because healing happens below the level of thought.
What This Means For You as a Mom
When you work with your subconscious mind:
You don’t just manage anxiety—you heal it
You stop feeling like you're failing when you're actually just triggered
You create more space between your past and your present
You become the grounded, calm version of yourself that you know is in there
And you break generational patterns—because you’re not passing on your unhealed wounds to your children
A Personal Invitation
If you’ve been feeling like motherhood brought up anxiety, fear, or emotional pain you didn’t expect…
If you’re tired of trying to cope with your triggers instead of healing them at the root…
If you want to feel like yourself again—and show up for your kids as the calm, confident mom you know you can be…
Then I want to invite you to my free workshop to learn the secret to finally break free of anxiety.
We’ll go deeper into understanding your subconscious mind, identifying your unique triggers, and learning the practical tools to reprogram the patterns keeping you stuck.
Because healing isn’t just about surviving motherhood. It’s about reclaiming yourself in the process.
You can join the free class on my IG or on my website at www.meganhillukka.com I can’t wait to see you there.
