282: How to Add Play Into Your Life
How was your Christmas? How was your New Year? Mine was great; it was busy, but I enjoyed myself. Right now, we do not have defined times off for Justin or me, so both of us didn’t have any “days off” as a lot of people do with vacation days. It is a challenge to run your businesses, but this year I want to schedule vacation days so that we get a vacation! But it was nice. We changed our garage into a playroom area, so we don’t have a garage to park in. It’s a big playroom with a climbing wall, a climbing net, a climbing rope, those rings that hang from the ceiling, and a hanging hammock. And it’s a perfect place to work out. So that was more of our Christmas present to our kids this year, and it’s been so fun to have it. They use it a ton, especially if Justin and I go do a workout out there; all the kids are always out there with us.
So let’s talk about today’s topic: how to add play into your life.
When you’re going through something challenging, like becoming a mom, everything might have changed for you so that you no longer feel like yourself. Maybe you used to have fun, but once you got married and had kids, you kind of lost yourself. Lost the spark in you and who you are. Kids are so amazing because they play all the time. It’s just natural for them to play. But as we get older and more "mature," suddenly we think it’s childish to play or childish to be silly.
This seems to happen to us all. Motherhood is a big change, and I guess for some it’s an easy transition, but for others like me, it’s a more challenging transition, and trying to figure out who you are now can be a challenge. And through the process, maybe you lose some of the play, silliness, and fun that you had experienced before.
I have always done things I’m interested in, and fun is a huge priority in my life; it’s like a number one value, and even with that, it’s easy to slip into serious mode, gotta be responsible, gotta do these things, and forget to have fun.
So I want to share some thoughts about how to add fun into your life again.
As a reminder, if you have kids, you are their mom, but you are not only their mom. You are a wife, a daughter, a friend, a human, whatever it is, and it’s so easy for moms to wrap their whole identities around being a mom and then feel like they can’t ever do anything else because they are a mom.
I promise, your kids are going to be just fine if you leave them. I think it’s good for them to get a break from you and for you to get a break from them. It’s good for both of you. That’s not the whole point, because adding fun doesn’t mean you have to leave your kids; it's just something I wanted to address before going in!
Okay, so first, what’s something you have always wanted to do but have never taken the time for? It could be learning to paint, sing, draw, bake, run, whatever. Something that has been a dream or wish since you were little, and as a mom, it’s always gone to the bottom of the list of priorities. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it, but if it’s still calling you, and maybe you even have some resentment, like, I want to do this thing, but I have kids, and so I can’t, and maybe you’re even thinking they are preventing me from doing these things I want to do.
So, move this thing higher up on the priority list and make it happen. I’ll share one thing I’m doing this year for myself and for a dream I’ve had for a long time. I have wanted to do a triathlon ever since I was younger. I’ve always enjoyed being active, and a triathlon calls to me because you get to switch things up and that sounds fun. So this year, I put it on my vision board, and then I looked one up, found one in a town near me, and registered for it! So at least I’m taking these first steps towards it! It’s a shorter one, but it’s a start to what I want to do.
Remember what it was like as a kid to just laugh, play, and not worry about anything? At least that’s how my childhood was. I know some people didn’t have that, but for people who did have it and people who didn’t, either way, you can start incorporating that into your life now. Start adding play, fun, and lightness to your life.
So the first thought I have is: What is something you’ve always wanted to do, dreamed of learning or doing, and have always felt held back because of kids? It doesn’t have to be a big thing, and it might be.
Next, how can you add fun to everyday things? What types of things are fun for you? So as a mom and someone running a household, things can get very mundane and boring. Like when you do the same thing every day, over and over again. Let me tell you, I hate being bored, and doing dishes over and over again and cleaning again and again has not been my favorite thing. So I’ve pondered: How can I make this fun?
It’s interesting because it will be different for each of us. Fun has a different meaning for each of us. And maybe you don’t need things to be fun to do them. So think about it for yourself. But one thing I’ve learned about myself is that for mundane tasks like cleaning a cupboard or organizing something, I let it be until inspiration comes to me. Because if I try to do it when I’m not inspired, it’s like pulling teeth. It’s so hard to get myself to do it and it’s not fun at all. But if I wait until I get inspired, which I always do, sometimes it’s longer than others, but it always comes. I just suddenly decided to clean and organize the cupboard, and it’s easy. It was light and fun, and I was excited to do it.
So for me, that’s a way of keeping those tasks fun: I don’t do them until I’m inspired, and then they are easy.
Other things you could do, though, for yourself and your kids are to put music on while you clean and listen to a story or podcast.
One thing that I’ve found is that I changed as a wife when I became a mom. I was more responsible and stressed out about the kids, the house, and the responsibilities. And this took away from our marriage. So here again, ask the question: How can I make our marriage fun again? How can we date each other even though we’ve been married for years? How can we do things that have nothing to do with raising kids?
Your kids are everything, but so are you, and so is your marriage. I don’t subscribe to the idea that you only have kids for so long; you have the rest of your life to do your things, but that may be because I have a slightly different perspective and when you have a lot of kids, you don’t have kids for just a short time relative to someone who has a few kids. So for me, I learned how to bring fun into my life and fun into our marriage and do things for me now, not wait until our kids are older.
And even if you have 1 or 2 kids, that's a lot of years to just forget about yourself or your marriage, so why not find ways to support all of these roles instead of only motherhood?
So going back to marriage, do you and your spouse laugh together much? Maybe laughter isn’t important or something you do all that often, and that’s fine, but laughing is seriously so fun. I love to laugh. And so again, how can you be silly with your spouse? How can you bring more laughter? This might include easing stress in your life in whatever ways you can, because if you are stressed, it can be hard to laugh. But like that saying, laughter is the best medicine.
So I would leave you with this last thought. How can I make this fun? Whatever it is in any area of life, how can I make this fun? Ask yourself that question, ponder it, and you might be surprised at what comes to you and how tasks that are mundane, difficult, or not very fun become easier, and then your life is generally lighter because you have more fun in your life.
This has been a great reminder for me. I do this a lot, but talking about it again makes me realize I should be more intentional with this question: How can I make this fun?
Hey, I opened up some spots for free 20-minute sessions with me. This is for you if you’ve been wondering if you have trauma or anxiety, or if you already know you have it, and then we can talk about whether what I do can help you in your situation or not. I know your situation is unique, so let’s talk and see if what’s been working for all these moms I’ve helped will work for you!
Have you felt anxiety after your child died?
The racing mind, unable to sleep, waiting for the next bad thing to happen, unable to breathe, panicky kind of anxiety, whole body riddled with anxiety?
Watch my free video on anxiety and grief below!
So that you can think clearly, feel calm in your body, and live your life without the chains of anxiety.
