343: How to Be Okay with Not Knowing With Ruth (RERUN)

343: How to Be Okay with Not Knowing With Ruth (RERUN)

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

In this deeply emotional and introspective rerun podcast episode, the conversation explores the powerful intersection of grief, confusion, and the longing for clarity after a painful loss. The speaker opens up about the inner turmoil of not having answers and how this lack of closure creates ongoing emotional suffering. While she acknowledges she hasn’t fully let go of the situation, she also recognizes that dwelling in the unknown brings more pain than healing. The guidance offered encourages her to first fully feel the frustration, confusion, and deeper pain, before trying to move toward acceptance.

A key moment in the episode is a gentle, guided meditation that leads the speaker to physically and emotionally ground herself in the present. Through visualization—walls of protection, flowing water, and emotional energy—she is invited to observe and regulate the sensations in her body without judgment. As she names the emotions and notices their effects, she slowly shifts from being overwhelmed to feeling a calm sense of peace. The imagery and mindful breathing become tools to help her realize that, while she cannot control the situation, she does have control over how she responds to it emotionally.

Toward the end, the episode touches on the common yet often unspoken desire for justice in the wake of loss. The speaker reflects on how holding onto the need for answers and fairness only intensifies her suffering. She expresses gratitude for being reminded that these feelings are normal, especially for mothers. The episode beautifully illustrates the dual nature of grief—allowing emotions to be felt fully while also learning to reframe the pain. Ultimately, the conversation offers a compassionate reminder that healing begins when we stop resisting what is and instead choose how we want to carry the pain forward.

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

342: The Power of AND (RERUN)

342: The Power of AND (rerun)

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

In episode of the podcast, titled "The Power of And," the host explores the transformative role of the word "and" in emotional processing, especially in the context of grief. She reflects on her personal journey through grief—particularly after the loss of her child—and how tools like thought work and emotional awareness have helped her navigate not only grief but also major life changes like moving into a bus and traveling. She emphasizes that life isn’t black and white and encourages listeners, particularly grieving moms, to reject the idea that experiencing joy or relief means forgetting or moving on. Instead, she advocates for embracing complexity, acknowledging that feelings like grief and joy, sadness and gratitude, can coexist.

Throughout the episode, she shares deeply personal examples—like the bittersweet experience of watching her children born after her daughter Aria’s death reach milestones Aria never could. These moments hold both deep sorrow and immense joy, demonstrating that the emotional landscape of grief is not binary. She encourages listeners to integrate the word "and" into their inner dialogue to expand emotional space and reduce guilt or shame. For instance, replacing “I’m broken” with “I’m broken and I’m learning how to get through this” opens the door to healing and self-compassion. She closes by offering her mini grief support program, "Stop Talking, Start Feeling," for free and urges listeners to share the episode with others who may benefit.

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

341: Loneliness in Motherhood

341: Loneliness in Motherhood

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

This podcast episode deeply explores the often unspoken reality of loneliness in motherhood. The speaker highlights how a mom can feel unseen and unheard—even while surrounded by her children or a spouse—especially in a culture that prizes independence. Motherhood is described as a dramatic shift from adult interaction to full-time caregiving, often without the support or transition needed. Many moms experience a silent grief over changed friendships and shifting priorities. The episode emphasizes that even those with large social circles can feel isolated, especially when trauma, anxiety, and nervous system dysregulation are involved. The sense of disconnection isn’t just about physical solitude; it stems from a deeper loss of connection with oneself and others.

Megan offers gentle encouragement and practical tips for reconnecting during seasons of isolation. She emphasizes that the need for connection is not a weakness but a biological necessity. Healing starts with acknowledging the loneliness out loud, making small efforts like messaging a friend, and remembering that others won’t know you’re lonely unless you share it. She also shares her personal story of returning to a familiar community after years away and feeling a surprising lack of reciprocation despite frequent hosting. Her reflection shows that connection often takes effort and vulnerability but is worth pursuing. Above all, she reminds listeners that they are not broken and are deeply deserving of connection and support.

As the episode deepens, Megan highlights that loneliness is not only about lacking connection with others—it can also stem from a disconnection with oneself. She invites listeners to explore practices like journaling, breathing, and tuning into their own needs to rebuild self-connection. By learning to enjoy their own company, individuals can feel less alone even when surrounded by others. Megan emphasizes that past experiences, especially unhealed trauma or rejection, may create protective walls that limit vulnerability and true connection. She describes this as a survival response—an inward contraction meant to shield from further hurt. However, through healing and intentional outreach, it's possible to expand again into connection. Whether through joining safe and meaningful spaces like mom groups, churches, or business communities, Megan reassures that taking steps toward relationship and healing is not only valid but transformative. Ultimately, she reframes loneliness as a signal—not of brokenness, but of the deep human need for connection, both with others and within ourselves.

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

340: What’s Under the Surface: Anxiety, Yelling & the Motherhood Journey

340: What’s Under the Surface: Anxiety, Yelling & the Motherhood Journey

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

Today’s episode is a special one—and a little different from the usual. For the first time, I’m sharing an interview where I’m the one being interviewed. My friend Gloria invited me onto her podcast, Wooded Oasis, and we had such a rich and heartfelt conversation that I knew I had to share it here with you, too. In this episode, we dive deep into my personal journey, especially around motherhood, the challenges of yelling, and how our inner emotional world plays a huge role in how we show up for our kids. It’s raw, real, and full of insight. I loved chatting with Gloria, and I think you’ll enjoy listening just as much.

---

In this episode of The Wooded Oasis podcast, the host welcomes her friend Megan Hillukka, who specializes in anxiety and trauma, to explore the deeper reasons behind why moms yell—and why it's often not for the reasons they think. Megan vulnerably shares her personal experience with grief and the overwhelming emotions that followed the death of her daughter, Aria. Rather than becoming the patient and calm mother she hoped grief would make her, she found herself yelling more often, burdened by shame and guilt. Megan explains how yelling is often a symptom of a deeper emotional overload and trauma stored in the subconscious, likening it to carrying an 80-pound backpack of unresolved pain and stress. She emphasizes that by doing the inner healing work to process trauma, mothers can lighten their emotional load and respond to their children with greater calm and presence.

The conversation challenges common assumptions, such as the belief that moms yell simply because their kids don’t listen. Megan explains that yelling is rarely about the child’s behavior and more often about a parent’s internal state—fatigue, anxiety, emotional overwhelm, and lack of capacity. Instead of shaming moms for yelling, the episode offers a compassionate reframe: yelling is a “check engine light,” a sign that there’s something deeper that needs attention. By focusing on healing from within and increasing emotional capacity, moms can change not just their reactions but also the entire emotional foundation of their home. The ripple effects, they argue, are profound—breaking cycles of generational trauma and fostering a more emotionally safe environment for both parents and children.

And I think the powerful thing to recognize here is that healing isn't about becoming someone entirely different—it's about returning to who you actually are beneath all of the stored-up reactions and stress responses. It's like rediscovering your grounded, loving, calm self that was always there, just hidden under the weight of unprocessed emotions and old memories. So when we talk about doing this deeper work, it's not about fixing something that's broken—it's about releasing what was never truly you in the first place. The yelling, the snapping, the guilt—they're signals, not your identity. And when you start giving your nervous system and subconscious mind what they need, you don't just stop yelling—you start living from a place of peace that feels natural and sustainable.

---

If you loved this conversation and want to hear more from Gloria, be sure to connect with her! You can follow her on Instagram for honest insights and uplifting content about motherhood and personal growth. And don’t forget to check out her website at glorianiemi.com for more resources, episodes, and ways to work with her. She’s doing such meaningful work, and I’m so grateful we got to have this conversation together.

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

339: A Powerful Process to Change How You Parent

339: A Powerful Process to Change How You Parent

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

I recently took a client through this powerful process, and I wanted to share it here with you. This client was feeling terrible about a situation with her child that she felt like she lost control, and was not showing up fully as the mom she wanted to be.

If you have been feeling this way, first off, give yourself some compassion and grace. The fact that you care and you want to do something different, is huge. This shows that you care. That you love your child so much. And none of us are perfect ever. So we’re not reaching for perfection, we are reaching to do better, to heal, so our responses and reactions can be better each time, but we will never be perfect. So give yourself some compassion and grace. And know that one of the best things you can do when you mess up and act how you don’t want to do, is just simply apologize and say I’m sorry to your kids. That’s a beautiful thing to do and a huge step to repairing that experience.

However, there’s still this issue that my client was facing: she wanted to show up better, she didn’t want her child's independence and own person to cause her to react in a way that she didn’t want to. And as I reminded her on our call- kids have a way of bringing out the best and worst in you, they know how to get your triggers- but this can be a gift that you can see where you need to do the work and heal. When you are triggered, it means there is something yet to heal.

So- I took her through this powerful process to give her brain the chance to see how she wants to react. I shared an episode earlier on visualization- and this is very much using visualization to play out the scenario you want to have happen.

So I’m going to give you a few pointers on what to do, and how to do this:

Think of a time where things didn’t go too well, where you reacted in a way you wanted, lost control of yourself, or really just didn’t show up as the mom you wanted to be. Think of that time, and without judgement or criticism, just looking at it as if you were a scientist, then consider if you could respond in the way you wanted to, what would that look like?

Our kids often respond and react to our energy, so when you are in a better headspace and keep your cool, and stay grounded, your kids will respond in a way that follows. Even if they don’t, they can feel the difference in you.

So take that time, and then play it out in your mind, but with it going the way you would like to respond. Practice responding the way you want to in your mind over and over again. The thing is, the mind doesn’t know the difference between real and imaginary, so if you practice it in your mind, your mind starts to understand, oh, when this happens, this is how we want to respond to this type of situation.

Something I would caution you- is it can be tempting to play out this scenario, and let’s say kids are fighting, and so in your new vision, you see yourself responding nicely to them, and then they nicely stop fighting, hug each other, and move on. Except, that’s not always what happens in reality. You can keep yourself completely grounded and cool, and it might not change how your kids are reacting or responding. But what I would suggest is to practice being grounded and calm EVEN while your kid or kids are acting in a way that would have completely triggered you or made you completely react in the past.

So it’s not about playing out a perfect scenario, because if your kids calm down and they are all acting nicely and doing what you want of them, then you wouldn’t have to be grounded, because you wouldn’t be being triggered. You need to practice being in a situation where you would have been triggered, and yet you are calm and grounded.

So you play this scenario out in your mind, practice showing up in your head how you want to show up.

Then, start to notice if you notice changes in the way you respond or react to your kids. See if you are more grounded, calm, and can act in the way that you want to as a mom.

I know this episode is super short, but I actually want you to take a moment and try it out. Think of the situation, and then replay the situation how you want to show up and start to embody that in your body and mind.

If you don’t do it- nothing will change. So I’m challenging you right now- to take just 5 minutes and practice!

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

338: Infertility and a Holistic Approach With Dr. Katie Rose

338: Infertility and a Holistic Approach With Dr. Katie Rose

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

In the world of fertility, we often separate the body into compartments: reproductive health goes to one specialist, mental health to another, and spiritual wellbeing is rarely addressed at all. But the truth is, all of these systems are in constant communication. The body is not a collection of isolated parts—it’s a unified, intelligent system where physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual layers intertwine. For years in my own holistic medical practice, I primarily focused on the physical—doing more than conventional medicine by addressing the full range of bodily systems. But even this wasn't enough. After working with dozens of couples navigating infertility, I realized something was missing: no one was talking about the emotional trauma or subconscious fears people carried, or the spiritual magnitude of welcoming a new life.

What I came to understand is that many individuals trying to conceive are doing all the "right" things physically—eating clean, taking supplements, managing their home environments—but still, nothing changes. Why? Because if the body is under constant stress, or if the subconscious mind believes pregnancy is dangerous or traumatic (based on stories absorbed in childhood or previous experience), it will resist conception. I’ve met many women who were deeply committed to their wellness routines but were also tightly wound, burdened by years of emotional baggage and the stress of “not being pregnant yet.” In some cases, their bodies were actively protecting them from what they were conditioned to believe was a threatening experience. This is where emotional and spiritual healing becomes just as vital as physical treatment.

This realization led me to seek additional tools—training in EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), hypnosis, NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), and somatic processing. These modalities allow me to go deeper with my patients, helping them uncover and release subconscious blocks, unresolved traumas, and emotional pain that traditional medicine often overlooks. We begin by getting radically honest about how this journey has impacted them. Many have never been asked how they truly feel—only expected to stay “positive.” But when they’re finally allowed to share their fear, anger, shame, and grief, real healing can begin. And with that healing often comes the fertility breakthroughs that had long been elusive. Fertility is more than biology—it’s the integration of the whole self. When we nurture that, the body often follows.

If this holistic approach to fertility resonates with you, and you're ready to explore the deeper layers of healing—emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually—She would love to continue the conversation with you. Follow Dr. Katie to share more insights, resources, and real-life stories over on her website and Instagram. Come join our community, ask questions, and connect with others on a similar journey. You’re not alone—and you don’t have to walk this path without support.

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.

337: How Your Mom Brain Really Works: The Secret of the Subconscious Mind

337: How Your Mom Brain Really Works: The Secret of the Subconscious Mind

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

Have you ever become a mom and thought... "I don’t even recognize myself anymore?"

Maybe you find yourself anxious over things that never used to bother you.
Maybe you’ve felt overwhelmed, panicky, numb, or emotionally reactive and thought, “Where is this coming from?”
Maybe you’ve had moments where your body is in full alert—heart racing, stomach sinking—and your mind is spinning, even though nothing bad is happening.

You might think you’re just not cut out for motherhood. But I want you to know—this isn’t about weakness or failure.
It’s about a powerful force running behind the scenes: your subconscious mind.

Today, I want to invite you behind the curtain to understand what's really going on beneath the surface—why you might feel constantly anxious, emotionally raw, or like you’re carrying invisible weight.

Because this isn’t just fascinating—it’s the foundation for healing your anxiety, trauma, and overwhelm at the root.

---

What Exactly Is the Subconscious Mind?

Picture your mind like an iceberg. The tip above water? That’s your conscious mind—the part that’s trying to stay calm, read parenting books, and manage the chaos.

But beneath the surface lies the massive hidden part—your subconscious mind. This makes up 95% of your brain activity.

It’s your body's automatic operating system—controlling things like breathing and digestion—but it also holds your deepest emotional programming.

Every experience you’ve ever had, especially ones with strong emotional charge, is stored there—without you needing to think about it.
And that’s what starts taking the wheel in motherhood, especially when you're tired, stressed, or triggered.

---

Why Motherhood Often Activates Old Wounds and Hidden Patterns

For many moms, the transition into motherhood brings up anxiety, panic, or emotional struggles they’ve never had before. Or it reawakens old trauma they thought was long gone.

Here’s why:

1. You’re Exhausted

Sleep deprivation weakens your brain’s ability to regulate emotions. Your conscious, rational mind gets quieter. Your subconscious gets louder.

2. Your Children Mirror Your Past

When your child throws a tantrum, clings too tightly, or rejects you, it may unconsciously echo your childhood experiences—and awaken old pain.

3. The Pressure is Intense

Motherhood often feels like the most important job in the world—because it is. That pressure to “get it right” sends your stress hormones soaring, making it harder to stay calm or connected.

4. Trauma Doesn’t Stay Buried Forever

Maybe you’ve experienced a loss, an abusive relationship, a chaotic upbringing, or simply lived in survival mode for years.
Becoming a mom often cracks open those old wounds. Not because you’re broken—but because motherhood demands deep presence. And presence brings up anything you haven’t yet healed.

---

How the Subconscious Stores—and Reacts to—Your Past

Your subconscious doesn’t operate in words or logic. It runs off emotion, memory, and survival instinct. And it stores experiences in different ways:

• Neutral Memories:

Like brushing your teeth—no big deal.

• Emotionally Charged Memories ("Little t" Trauma):

Like being ignored, shamed, or made to feel small. Your subconscious remembers the emotion, not just the facts. These memories are tagged: “Avoid this at all costs.”

So when your toddler rejects your help, it might unconsciously trigger the rejection you felt at age 10. You might feel intense anxiety, anger, or panic—and not know why.

• Unresolved Big “T” Trauma:

These are events like abuse, loss, or medical trauma. When left unprocessed, your brain interprets anything similar as “it’s happening again RIGHT NOW.”

That’s why a mom who lost a child may spiral when her baby is slightly late waking from a nap—or why a mom who’s been through trauma might freeze, rage, or shut down in moments that seem “minor” on the outside.

---

The Science: Trauma Changes Your Brain and Your Body

Research shows trauma and chronic anxiety rewire your brain. It literally changes how your nervous system responds to stress.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk writes in The Body Keeps the Score that trauma doesn’t just live in your mind—it lives in your body.
That tight chest, pit in your stomach, or sense that you’re “not safe”? It’s not irrational. It’s your body remembering something your mind can’t even fully name.

And when your nervous system is stuck in a constant state of hypervigilance or shutdown, it’s not just hard to parent. It’s hard to feel like yourself.

---

The Incredible (and Hopeful) Part: You Can Rewire It

Your subconscious may have been programmed by your past—but it’s not permanent.
Through intentional healing, your brain can change. Your body can feel safe again. You can rewire the patterns that cause your anxiety, panic, rage, or numbness.

Your subconscious responds to:

• Repetition (practicing new beliefs and patterns)

• Emotion (connecting to healing experiences)

• Visualization and symbolism

• Relaxed, trance-like states (like meditation, EMDR, subconscious reprogramming, or the tools I teach in my programs)
  

This is why just "thinking positive" doesn't work. Because healing happens below the level of thought.

---

What This Means For You as a Mom

When you work with your subconscious mind:

• You don’t just manage anxiety—you heal it

• You stop feeling like you're failing when you're actually just triggered

• You create more space between your past and your present

• You become the grounded, calm version of yourself that you know is in there

• And you break generational patterns—because you’re not passing on your unhealed wounds to your children

---

A Personal Invitation

If you’ve been feeling like motherhood brought up anxiety, fear, or emotional pain you didn’t expect…

If you’re tired of trying to cope with your triggers instead of healing them at the root…

If you want to feel like yourself again—and show up for your kids as the calm, confident mom you know you can be…

Then I want to invite you to my free workshop to learn the secret to finally break free of anxiety.
We’ll go deeper into understanding your subconscious mind, identifying your unique triggers, and learning the practical tools to reprogram the patterns keeping you stuck.

Because healing isn’t just about surviving motherhood. It’s about reclaiming yourself in the process.

You can join the free class on my IG or on my website at www.meganhillukka.com I can’t wait to see you there.

336: Remembering Bus Life With Justin Hillukka

336: Remembering Bus Life With Justin Hillukka

Welcome to the Joyful Mom Podcast!

In this reflective and heartfelt episode, the hosts dive into their two-year journey of traveling the U.S. with their seven kids in a converted school bus. What started as a casual, agenda-free conversation turns into an exploration of the highs and lows of bus life—freedom, closeness, and adventure mixed with tight quarters, logistical challenges, and the occasional chaos. Justin shares his perspective on the contrast between the bus lifestyle and their current stationary life in a house, emphasizing how the experience shaped their outlook on family, work, and what truly matters in life.

They reminisce about the simplicity and closeness of life on the road—how being together constantly brought a unique bond, despite the stress of things like finding parking, managing power and water, or unexpected mishaps like almost setting the bus on fire. Now back in a house, they see both the pros and cons more clearly. The kids, too, share mixed memories—some missing the adventure, others appreciating the space and stability of home. Ultimately, the episode paints a picture of a unique season of life that, while far from perfect, offered irreplaceable memories and lasting perspective.

he couple reflects on the emotional highs and lows of life on the road. They describe the deep bond their family developed during their time in the bus—unstructured days filled with spontaneous hikes, sunrises on mountaintops, and the quiet joy of having nowhere specific to be. At the same time, they acknowledge the loneliness that occasionally crept in from being disconnected from extended family and friends. The lack of outside obligations allowed them to focus inward and strengthen their relationships, but it also reminded them of the importance of balance—how a full life includes both adventure and community.

They share favorite memories from national parks like Acadia and the Grand Canyon, and how their experiences were shaped not just by the destinations but by the connections they made and the simplicity of their lifestyle. From the practical side of learning how to drive a 40-foot bus to the emotional growth that came from embracing uncertainty, they agree the journey was transformative. While they’ve now settled into a more traditional life in a house, they express gratitude for the bus chapter and the freedom it gave them. Even in its challenges, it was one of the most meaningful seasons of their lives—marked by flexibility, faith, and a shared sense of "when it’s time to go, it’s time to go.".

If you want to learn more about how you can clear anxiety more automatically by rewiring how the mind is working and processing things, go to my website www.meganhillukka.com where you can click on a link to register for my free training, where I will show you what you need in order to do this.