Carrying Grief

”I’m just done. Ready to be done with this life and move on to the next. So sick of the sadness, the stress, the anxiety, the anger, the snappiness. No one else understands, everyone wants to try but they have no clue how awful each day actually is. I guess I wouldn’t want others to understand either, but it sure makes you feel alone”.

Does this feel familiar?

We all want to ignore death until it can no longer be ignored. When you lose your child, it goes against the natural order of things. It doesn’t make sense. Grief is a lifelong journey, and it’s possible to learn to carry your grief. Though we each have our own stories and pains, you do not need to do this alone.

losing your child- a mothers grief

This is a picture of my daughter. Her name was Aria Faye. She died when she was 15 months old, and after finding her I’ve struggled with PTSD and anxiety. It’s been a rough couple of years, but ultimately I want to bring HOPE to other grieving families. It’s possible to learn to live with grief, to get help, and live a joyful and full life. The light is completely out in the tunnel right now, but if I can encourage you to keep going, and slowly that light can be seen.

I’m not saying grief ever goes away, because it doesn’t, but it becomes a companion in your life. It says you’ve loved and you’ve lost. It shows you that you are human, and being human is having pain. Please join me on this journey of grief, you don’t need to do all of it alone.


Each Day is a new day

You can get through the hard things


2 things grieving mothers wish you knew

When your friend loses their child, it changes many things about them. They lose their innocence and joy of life. Child loss changes their perspective, their emotions, their outlook. It impacts their mental health. Friendships and other relationships can change drastically. The person they once were is gone, right along with their old life. Think of how you are changed and shaped by the events and things that happen in your life, and you will start to understand that your friend is deeply and profoundly changed from the loss of their child.

To read my full blog post on this subject GO HERE

how to help your grieving friend

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On the day Aria died

I have not written about the day Aria died. Many people do not even know what happened to her, or how she died. I talk a lot about grief, PTSD, and dealing with the aftermath of death. Most of the time, I don’t share much about the day she died. It’s not because I don’t want to share. I think the details and the events surrounding her death and what happened are so traumatic for me, and they might be hard for others to read.


What it’s really like to live with PTSD

I’ve thought back many times to the experience of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in it’s strongest form for me. I feel like I cannot fully explain the depth and terrifying experience that it is. I want to try to explain how PTSD felt like for me. Remember, this can be different for everyone, so just because you don’t think or do the same exact things I did, doesn’t mean you don’t have some form of PTSD.

Brilynn and Winston.jpg

A rainbow after a storm

“It is understood that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of any storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean the storm never happened or that we are not still dealing with it’s aftermath. It means that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover, but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and hope.”-Author Unknown