188: Hey Loss Mama With Hails and Hayden Part 1
Join me and Hails as we talk about her journey towards grief and how she evolved from being an “I don’t want a child” woman to deciding with his husband to conceive over Covid to experiencing a stillbirth for her first pregnancy.
The trauma that you have to experience in delivering your baby knowing that you can never have her, nothing can prepare you for that silence.
We also talked about how:
Grief is not linear - all those books won’t work for all scenarios and for all people
The stages of grief won’t end in acceptance, grief will not end but you just learn how to live with it
Anger is a normal emotion
We live in a world where we are obsessed with fixing and mending. Our society compartmentalizes things in trying to comfort you and saying things that don’t necessarily apply to you in order for you to “move on”
We need to learn as a society to hold space for people (being able to walk in their hell with them) with nothing but a safe space to provide - no advice, no platitude, no comments - just being there and listening intently
Are you ready to stop cycling in the pain and anguish of grief? What if you could get a moment of calm and respite? After your child dies, everything feels hopeless and dark, and it’s hard to even think straight. Staying in survival mode keeps the cycle going.
Register to watch this free video on how to stop the pain, and feel better again.
The more you allow yourself to sit in discomfort, the more you become okay with being uncomfortable. Actually, the more comfortable you become. The more you lean into uncomfortable feelings, sensations, and emotions, the more comfortable you become.
I think right now, I just have so much gratitude because when you're in a struggle, you have no idea why it's happening. And to be able to be like, Wow, I turned this into something that I'm so proud of because I see how it's helping other women. That just shows that, like, that is a plan that I would have never seen back then.
If you have kids, give them jobs and have them help! It helps when I have so many helpers now whom I can delegate the jobs to, and it helps get things done.
Dana highlights the importance of being patient with oneself, acknowledging the need to allow space for sadness or frustration. She welcomes questions about her daughter and encourages open dialogue, recognizing that understanding often comes through curiosity and conversation. Dana's openness and willingness to share her experiences reflect her commitment to fostering empathy and awareness.
I am on this medication (before). It helps manage it a little bit, but I'm still anxious. I'm still depressed. I'm still so glad the medication helps, but it's not the answer because it doesn't take away the issue.
Do it because you're angry or sad or don't feel like it. It is the hardest part of everyone's journey, whether that's regarding singing or eating vegetables. Whatever it might be, finding that inner drive and any motivation to do what you know is good for you. If you find that, that will give you all the power, because that’s when the ball starts rolling.
The first one is shifting your perspective, the second is rewiring your mind or the response to it, and the third is cultivating lasting relief. And in that first step, it's really one believing that change is possible.
Change is inevitable in our lives. It happens like the sun rises and sets. And yet, for some reason, we are shocked when there is change or things are different than we thought they could be.
It's like, go take a little break. Step back from it. Get fresh eyes and then come back again. Take a break in so many ways, not only for our kids. This is a beautiful gift to learn how to take breaks step back to refresh and then try again.
Things I've let go of and things I've shifted or changed. Hopefully, just one of them will be useful for you in your life, permitting you to just do your life. How you want to and what works for you and your family.