212: How to Ground Your Body When You Are Triggered
Today I want to share how to ground yourself when you notice you are activated. But before we dive into that, maybe I should talk about what is activated, and how you know if you are activated.
Because honestly, when I think about when I first started experiencing these kinds of sensations in my body, I just thought I was going crazy and I was going to need to be checked into a mental hospital. The first time I experienced anxiety or even a panic attack, I thought I was going to die, and I kept telling my husband I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I think you might need to bring me in because I don’t know what's happening.
So, I’ll start with how do you know if you’re activated, and what does it mean?
So if I look up the definition of triggered or activated online, it says on dictionary.cambridge.org that triggered means “experiencing a strong emotional reaction of fear, shock, anger, or worry, especially because you are made to remember something bad that has happened in the past:”
Triggers can be anything and so personal to each of us depending on our experiences. Side note. I do not do trigger warnings on anything I post, because it’s impossible to know what everyone's trigger warnings are. Some could be triggered by certain words, some are triggered by certain pictures, events, ways of saying things, or sounds, it can be anything. So I cannot know what people's triggers are.
When I was in my very triggered phase after Aria’s death, a huge trigger for me was sleeping with children with their eyes half open, and by chance, this is a very common thing in my family, where our kids sleep with their eyes open. So my family would post pictures of their kids sleeping thinking it was funny and cute. For me, not so much. So, in this kind of situation, I think we have the right and freedom to say, hey, that affects me when you share those kinds of pictures on our family chat, would you please stop sharing those for now? So, in your family chats, your spaces, you can ask for that, but I don’t think any of us can walk around expecting anyone else to know what our triggers are, and that they need to try to walk around them.
Also, I now have no problem seeing pictures of sleeping children with their eyes open. Proof that triggers doesn’t need to trigger forever.
And so I’m certain, that if you have experienced this, you would know. Maybe you haven’t realized yet that that’s what it’s called. Maybe you just feel crazy, and like you can’t control your bodily sensations and there’s something wrong with you.
It’s an automatic response. There’s nothing after you're triggered you can do to stop the trigger. So when you start that response cycle. What does it feel like?
It can feel different for everyone, but here are a few ways you can feel the sensations in your body.
You can shut it down. You can feel your mind racing. Your heart can beat faster. You can start to breathe faster. You can not think straight. You can go numb. You can get tingling in your face, arms, and hands. Your stomach can feel funny or roily. You can get uneasy and unable to sit still. You can be unable to move. You can feel faint and lightheaded. You can see things that are not there. Your thoughts can be so intrusive and horrible.
There can be more things, but these are the things I can think of now. In all senses, you feel sensations in your body, and your mind may have racing thoughts as well.
I want to share a little perspective here about being triggered you don’t have to agree with me, but I’m going to share it, and see if it resonates with you.
So a zebra in the wild sees a lion, and when the mind of the zebra sees the lion, the mind causes the legs of the zebra to get stronger, so that the zebra can run. The mind makes the lion bigger so that the zebra no longer sees food, is tired, or is worried about anything else except the lion. Say the lion chases the zebra, and when it’s all over and the zebra is safe, you might say to the zebra, “wow wasn’t that lion big? That was so scary!” And the zebra will say, what lion? Because for zebra, if it’s not happening, it’s not real.
So the zebra will completely forget that lion even existed. As soon as fear needs to turn on it turns on, and as soon as the threat is gone, fear turns off. This serves zebra well.
In our human minds, not so much. I don’t know the last time I’ve had to run for a predator. And with child loss, it’s a form of fear and terror, but there’s nothing that you can run from, so the way the mind is processing information and trying to assist you is a blip in the way the mind is processing information.
So the reason I share this is to first bring understanding that because you are triggered is not your fault. It just happens. It’s your mind's way of protecting you. A whole other side of that that we can go into in another podcast is how Rapid Resolution Therapy can help you get ahead of the trigger so that it doesn’t even happen.
But today, I wanted to focus on so you got triggered, now what. What is triggered? How do you know you are triggered? And then what can you do to help yourself when this has already happened?
So, we’ve talked about what triggers are. We’ve talked about what triggers feel like. Now, I want to finally dive into, so all this has happened, what do you do?
Tapping is an incredibly powerful way to ground yourself when you are in a heightened anxiety state. It helps calm your body and mind. I know I’ve talked about tapping a lot, but I’ve used it a lot when I’m in a heightened state, to bring calmness to my body. And it’s been an amazing tool for me. Many tapping meditations in Grieving Moms Haven are related specifically to child loss.
Take a bath with Epsom salt. Make this as calming an atmosphere for yourself as you can. Music that feels good for you, dim lights if that feels good for you, essential oils that calm you down. Using all your senses. Bringing in sound, smell, touch, taste, and sight. Things that calm and ground you. This might take some practice to learn what this is for you. But this is a good option to try.
Another one that I was taught early on in my therapy days though it was helpful it wasn’t the best thing for me, but I still want to share it here in case it helps you. Bringing all your senses into the picture can help bring your brain back online and out of the heightened state. So it’s called the 54321 methods which are also recorded and inside of Grieving Moms Haven so you can just listen to it, and not have to try to remember it. But you find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can physically feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Then you can repeat this if you need to, going through this again and again until you can feel your body start to calm down.
Different breathing techniques: One is square breathing, where you breathe in for 4 holds for 4 exhale for 4 and hold for 4. Another one is just breathing in, and then exhaling for longer than you inhaled. Just doing that over and over again. Again, I have many different breathwork exercises recorded inside Grieving Moms Haven.
Getting outside and in nature. Going on a walk in nature, getting your feet in the earth if you can, laying on the ground, there’s something so calming about nature. Combined with moving your body in nature, it helps move that energy through your body, and being in a peaceful environment helps calm your body down.
Give yourself space to rest afterward. If you have experienced a panic attack or gotten triggered, you know how exhausting it is. The sensations you experience and that go through your body are incredibly exhausting. So permit yourself to rest.
So there are 6 ideas for grounding yourself when you are triggered. You don’t need to try all 6, just try one and see if it helps you.
Remember, these are all for after you are already triggered, but don’t forget, that it’s possible to get to a place where you don’t even get triggered in the first place. I have a free video that explains more of this with anxiety and grief, you can go to www.meganhillukka.com to watch that free video.
As always, I intend to assist you on your grief journey, to hold a light in the darkness, and show you it’s possible to live a trigger-free existence, and a life filled with joy after your child dies.
I’m always holding on to hope for you until you are ready to hold it for yourself!
See you next week!
Have you felt anxiety after your child died?
The racing mind, unable to sleep, waiting for the next bad thing to happen, unable to breathe, panicky kind of anxiety, whole body riddled with anxiety?
Watch my free video on anxiety and grief below!
So that you can think clearly, feel calm in your body, and live your life without the chains of anxiety.
