89: Anger and Acting Out in Grief

Episode Pointers:

• Grief does not give us the right to lash out at others. It does not give us a free pass on acting in whatever way we want.

• Lashing out to others and using your anger to hurt others only hurts you more. 

• Anger truly is an emotion that can explode and destroy so many things. It can come out as boiling frustration, explosive anger, resentment, or many other ways. Underneath anger is so many things- the lack of control over the situation, stress, fear, worry.

• The anger, bitterness, frustration. All of that can come with grief. It’s so normal. It comes from this immense loss of control that we have over our lives. 

• I do believe that God is the giver and taker of life, then why wouldn’t I be angry at him?

 I didn’t really feel I was angry at God, but wouldn’t that make sense? It didn’t mean I questioned his plan, or that I thought he was wrong, I was just angry that this was the way it was.

• Anger in grief is so normal and it can show up in many ways. Anger at God, anger at a person, including the person who died. Anger at others. Anger at yourself. Anger at nothing, but everything.

• You might not realize that you have anger. You might be in a place where anger is a bad way to feel and you don’t want to sit with it. It feels better to pretend you are not angry so you shove it under the rug and then maybe you are a better person because you are not angry.

But let me ask you this, just because you push the anger down and pretend it’s not there, does that make the anger go away? 

Or does it just make you fight the energy of the anger more and make it more stressful?

• Allowing yourself to process, sit with, and release the anger without judgement is an incredible way to help yourself and in turn be the kind of person you want to be to those around you.

Tips in Dealing with Anger:

1. Notice what your emotional patterns are.

• What 3 emotions do you feel every day? 

• What 3 emotions come up for you the most often?

2. Anger Release Meditation

3.Find a way to release the built up tension in a healthy manner:

• High intensity things - running, biking, punching

• Writing

• Screaming

• Punching bag

4. Allow the anger to surface and release from your body:

•  Notice what you want to do when you feel the anger in your body.

•  Notice how you act, or want to respond. 

•  Notice where the anger is in your body.

•  Notice the sensations, the intensity, how it feels.

•  Notice if you clench your jaw, or your fists, if your shoulders go up.

•  Get really present with how your body feels with anger.

5. Imagine the anger is like energy in your body. If you stuff it down, it will just fester in your body and explode out

• What is the thought that is driving the anger? 

• What are the thoughts there behind it?

6. Understand that no matter who/what your anger is directed at right now, know that it is not the reason why you are angry. 

Anger will not just go away by itself. It’s a very powerful emotion and a very damaging emotion if we don’t properly deal with it. Allow yourself to feel and process anger. 

I want to encourage you to use these tools that I have offered, to at least take one of them, and begin to release and hold space for the anger inside of you. If you want guidance and 1:1 coaching to help you work through this- you can go to www.carryinggriefcoaching.com to learn more about how you can work with me. I want you to remember that there is no shame or judgement here, but how important it is to get curious with your anger and the energy of anger in your body, so you can continue to strive to be the best mom you can be.

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

Some links may contain affiliate links in which I receive a small commission if you decide to purchase something, this helps support the grief work I'm doing.

88: Suicide, Reiki and death With Sharon Ehlers

Episode Pointers:

• Guilty blame and self blame will really rip you apart. 

• Joining a  group/community who has gone through the same experience with you will make you feel less lonely.

• There's different timing, divine timing for different people. Definitely.

• When you're having a difficult time, these energy centers in your body get stuck. It gets stuck mostly in our heart and our lungs. That’s the reason why most of the people who are grieving experiences chest pains and difficulty in breathing.

• If you balance the physical, the emotional, and the spiritual components of grief, and you address all three of them at the same time, that you can actually have the tools that you need to kind of keep your head above water, and tread.

• It doesn't cure grief. Nothing cures grief, but it keeps you in a place where you have the stamina to be able to deal with it.

• Being a Death Midwife/Death Doula is giving a person who is dying tools that they can use to help themselves through that transition process.

• Anam Cara is somebody that navigates through, navigates a dying loved one in their families through death, right through death, and then after death.

Her Recommendations:

Favorite Books:

1. On Death and Dying by  Elizabeth Kubler Ross

2. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Her Books:

1. Grief Reiki

2. Grief Diaries:Lost by Suicide

Support Group:

1. Didi Hirsch S. Mark Taper Foundation Center 

Her Social Media Accounts:

• Instagram: www.instagram.com/griefreiki

• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/griefreiki

• Twitter : https://twitter.com/griefreiki?lang=en

• Website:www.grief-reiki.com

If you want more tools to help you, I have a workshop called Stop Talking Start Feeling, it’s a workshop that dives into emotions, what they are, and how you can begin to feel and process them and get them out of your body instead of stuffing them down. It also goes specifically in to processing and releasing the emotions of guilt and sadness. You can get access to this workshop and all the extra things I have in there for only $27. Go to www.meganhillukka.com/workshop to check it out. 

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

Some links may contain affiliate links in which I receive a small commission if you decide to purchase something, this helps support the grief work I'm doing.

87: Are You Keeping Busy?

Have you been busy all day, you exhaust yourself so that at night hopefully you can be so exhausted you just fall asleep without having to think about your dear child? 

I get it. I’ve been there, there is absolutely no judgement from me. 

But when does it end?

Is this kind of behavior sustainable?

Is this the way you want to keep living the rest of your life? 

Where every single day the goal is to not stop because if you stop , you start to think or feel something painful. So, do you keep busy?

Keeping busy feels good, because it feels like you are doing something, when with grief there’s not much you can quote unquote do. There’s nothing you can change, and so keeping busy helps keep your mind off of what is going on.

And we get this advice all the time from well meaning people. “Just keep busy so you don’t have to think about it. Maybe you should get a job so you can keep busy.” I think this is some of the most damaging advice we can give to grievers and tell ourselves.

Keeping busy feels good, because it keeps you from thinking or feeling things that are painful. It’s scary to think that if you start to get depressed you will never come out of it. That if you start to feel something, you will be stuck in that forever. Yes, if you don’t have the tools and skills to move through it, it’s easy to get stuck, which is why I would encourage you to join me in Stop Talking Start Feeling, where you can begin to process and work through things in a slow way- you can go to www.meganhillukka.com/workshop to join there, or else make sure you have a guide who is walking alongside of you, who knows how to help you through this experience of pain, and the thoughts that come with grief.

Is this the way you want to keep living?

Understanding that this is a coping mechanism is hugely important, and might help you loosen some judgment you might have about yourself.

 First start with- getting curious. Is this how I’m coping with my grief?

 Is this a way I’m trying to manage all the thoughts and emotions that feel so overwhelming for me?

Remember, in order to let go of this coping mechanism, it’s important to begin to build tools and skills in another way, so that you can handle and process the emotions and thoughts that right now feel so scary. So you don’t need to do everything at once, and you don’t need to try to drink from a fire hose. Make little changes, and slowly you can begin to shift from keeping busy and running yourself ragged every day, to having skills and tools to process what’s going on inside.

What would your life look like if you didn’t need to run yourself into exhaustion every day?

What would your relationships look like? 

What would you do with your life? 

Some ways you can begin to shift from keeping busy, to connecting with your emotions:

1. Start to notice when a thought comes, or an emotion starts to come up, and you shove it down. You don’t have to do anything with it yet, but start to notice how often you do that, and what the thought or emotion is.

2. Start saying no more often. Your energy tank is already beyond empty. Grief empties your emotional tank and energy tank and the capacity you have to give to others right now. You may feel like you want to give, but you might be giving from a place of exhaustion, rather than a place of true service. I do not know, you have to look at your own self to know what’s true for you. But I would encourage you to be mindful of where you put your energy, and start seeing where you can cut back and begin to make more space in your life, so you can start to care for yourself and your grief.

3. Get curious with how you are acting in your life. Notice if you are keeping busy, and imagine watching yourself from above yourself as you go about your day. Watching how when something happens, that you immediately have to go clean, or when you get worked up, you keep busy in a certain way. Just get curious and start becoming aware of your patterns.

   It’s so important to not bring judgement into the picture when you do this. 

So often, when we become aware of our actions, emotions, or thoughts, we start to judge ourselves. 

What’s wrong with me?

Why don't other moms think that way?

What kind of person does that? 

But lead with curiosity, and let yourself be open to learning how you are doing things, because it is from that place that you can begin to change things. 

When you put judgement on it, all you want to do is shove it back down and hide. Bring it out into the open, and get curious. 

Are you someone who keeps busy?

 Share in the Facebook group what you learned in this episode, and what small steps you are going to take today, slow down and begin to make time for your emotions, your thoughts, and your grief.

If you want more tools to help you, I have a workshop called Stop Talking Start Feeling, it’s a workshop that dives into emotions, what they are, and how you can begin to feel and process them and get them out of your body instead of stuffing them down. It also goes specifically into processing and releasing the emotions of guilt and sadness. You can get access to this workshop and all the extra things I have in there for only $27. Go to www.stoptalkingstartfeeling.com to check it out. 

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

Some links may contain affiliate links in which I receive a small commission if you decide to purchase something, this helps support the grief work I'm doing.

86: Physical Sickness in Grief

In this episode, we are going to talk about how grief affects our health physically.

Episode Pointers:

• Grief, trauma, anxiety, and everything that came in between can cause stress. It will then manifest into physical symptoms. Thus, Grief can show up physically in our bodies.

• Emotions have a big role inside our bodies.  So, processing  your emotions are very important in dealing with grief.

• When you are stressed, have anxiety, fear, and of those emotions that put stress on your body, your immune system is lowered. So, you have a bigger chance of getting sick. It’s very common to feel all of those things after your child dies, your body has never had to go through such an painfully emotional experience.

• Emotions are truly a physical thing. Your body is connected with your emotions. Learn to sit with your emotions, feel, process, and experience them physically. 

• According to the Emotion Code by Dr. Bradley Nelson, emotions can get trapped in your body, and then that part of your body can become physically sick. Think of the Broken Heart Syndrome. Your heart hurts so bad, that your heart begins to actually get stressed and sick.

• Other grieving moms feel these common symptoms: a pain in their chest, or their body, or horrific pain in their stomach, headache and more . And no matter how many medications they take, or they go to their doctor, and there’s nothing wrong with them. They can’t find a physical reason why they are wrong. It is when we need to take a look at the emotions inside of our bodies and answer these questions:

•  What emotion is there in that part of your body?

•  How can you begin to care for yourself?

•  How can you release that emotion that’s trapped there?

• In the Emotion Code, it says that grief often settles into the lungs. And, a common thing that happens is that it’s hard to breathe when you are grieving. It’s like there is a big weight on your chest and you cannot get a full breath of air. I definitely had this, and when I would try to do a meditation or something like that where they had you breath in for 5 and out for 7, I was like what in the world? I can only breathe in for 3, it was really hard to get a full breath of air. 

Here are some ways you can support your body to prevent it from experiencing physical responses:

• Accept that it’s part of your grief journey. There’s nothing wrong with you.

• Start to notice ways you can slow down, and care for the grief inside of your body. My mini-workshop, STOP TALKING, START FEELING is a great place to start to begin to learn how to process the emotions inside of you and let them flow instead of staying stuck. You can get that by going to www.stoptalkingstartfeeling.com

• Try to get more sleep - refer to my episode ( Episode 85 ) about sleep last week to help with ideas on how to do that.

• Drink water, eat healthier as you can, and do the best you can.

• Get support and help from those around you, and lean onto others as much as you can, because you don’t need to do this all alone right now. Eventually the goal is to be able to stand on your own two feet again, but right now, allow the people around you to help you, and invest in help and support for yourself as well. 
  

• Make major changes in your life.

This is uncharted territory for you, and so give yourself grace as you navigate through it. And as you learn what works for you, and how you can begin to process the emotions.

I truly believe that physical symptoms, and emotional symptoms are all related. So caring for what’s going on inside of you, will certainly help with the physical symptoms you are feeling in your body.

Recommended book :  The Emotion Code by Dr. Bradley Nelson

If you want more tools to help you, I have a workshop called Stop Talking Start Feeling, it’s a workshop that dives into emotions, what they are, and how you can begin to feel and process them and get them out of your body instead of stuffing them down. It also goes specifically into processing and releasing the emotions of guilt and sadness. You can get access to this workshop and all the extra things I have in there for only $27. Go to www.stoptalkingstartfeeling.com to check it out. 

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

Some links may contain affiliate links in which I receive a small commission if you decide to purchase something, this helps support the grief work I'm doing.

85: Tips for Getting Sleep When Grief Keeps You Awake

EPISODE POINTERS:

Sleep is a place where our bodies heal, process trauma and information that we’ve experienced in our lives. Sleep is so healthy for us to get but what do you do when you can’t sleep at all? 

Here are my tips for you :

1.Brain Dumping  

This is especially helpful for when you try to lay down and you cannot turn your brain off. When all the things going through your head are on repeat and you can’t sleep, you should try it. Brain dumping is where you just take everything that’s going on in your head and put it on to a piece of paper. For some reason, writing it down helps lessen the racing in your mind. Write for as long as you need, and keep the journal by your bed, so that you can continue to get things out of your head as needed.

2. Prescribed Sleep Medicines 

For a time period, I needed to take something to help me sleep. I had originally asked my midwife for a medication that was safe in pregnancy. In the meantime, I never ended up taking it because I found other things that work. Like I say- I’m not a medical professional and I’m not giving you medical advice, but this is what I ended up doing for a little while to help me sleep. I took Melatonin, along with Tylenol PM. I also had to sleep in my own room because of my trauma. I could not sleep with anyone else. Otherwise, I spent the whole night checking on everyone around me. 

3.Essential Oils :

I used an essential oil called Tranquil from Plant Therapy. I have used this ever since Aria died, and anytime I have insomnia. It’s amazing. I put a dab behind each ear and a dab on the sole of each foot. This has helped me in many ways get a good night's rest.

Recommendation : Plant Therapy Tranquil Essential Oil Blend

4. Magnesium Lotion

I’m not sure why I started trying this in the first place, but I had made a foot salve that had magnesium in it. And ever since then, I’ve noticed that when I put that on my feet as well right before bed, I’m able to fall asleep much faster, and be able to stay asleep longer. I made my own magnesium foot salve, but you can buy it online somewhere. I’ve also bought it from a local shop that sells lots of natural products.

5. Rescue Remedy/ Rescue Sleep 

Another product I’ve used, not for myself, but for my kids who have been affected by sleep, anxiety, or nightmares, I’ve given them Rescue Remedy. You can buy this online, or at Whole Foods or Fresh Thyme or that kind of place. I’ve been absolutely amazed by how when I give this to my kids after a nightmare or they can’t sleep, it’s been so helpful. For some reason I’ve never thought to take it myself, maybe because I have so many other things to help me.

6.Gratitude

So often when we go to bed in a state of not enough, we cannot fall asleep. Because there are so many things that are keeping us awake, so many things to do, so many worries to think about, we cannot shut off our brains. Practicing and feeling gratitude right before bed has helped my body so much in calming down and actually falling asleep much faster than I normally would. With this, you can think of things that you are grateful for, and really practice allowing gratitude to fill your body, and getting present with what gratitude feels like in your body.

7.Visualization

Something I’ve recently found that has been helpful for me in falling asleep has been Visualization. This can depend on where you are in your grief journey. If this even feels possible for you, but you can imagine something. I do a visualization of something I’m dreaming about in my future, something I’m excited about. And I visualize it as if it’s already happening, so I can enjoy the feelings of being here. It feels good and I enjoy it. If it’s hard to think about something that you are excited about in your future right now, you can visualize yourself being in a place that you’ve been that brought you contentment and peace. You can bring yourself to that place and really imagine yourself being in that place. For me, that has been on a beach that I’ve been to, where I really felt peace and contentment. I can bring myself back there and then I start to feel that in my body as well. Then that helps me get to a place of okay, now my body is ready to go to sleep.

8.Keep your phone away at bedtime

Not looking at my phone or any sort of screen before bed has been helpful. I’ve been trying to make a habit of plugging it in the kitchen a few hours before bed, and turning it on airplane mode and not looking at it again. This doesn’t always happen, but it happens often enough for me to notice a big difference in my quality of sleep and how long it takes me to fall asleep.

9.Good Sleeping Environment

This might be a personal preference, but also creating a sleeping environment that feels good for you. Notice temperature, lightness, noise, and things like that. I need a fan running to make the room cooler. It should be pitch dark and I wear an eye mask.

If you want more tools to help you, I have a workshop called Stop Talking Start Feeling, it’s a workshop that dives into emotions, what they are, and how you can begin to feel and process them and get them out of your body instead of stuffing them down. It also goes specifically into processing and releasing the emotions of guilt and sadness. You can get access to this workshop and all the extra things I have in there for only $27. Go to www.stoptalkingstartfeeling.com to check it out. 

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

Some links may contain affiliate links in which I receive a small commission if you decide to purchase something, this helps support the grief work I'm doing.

84: The Layers of grief with Erica McAfee

In this episode, Erica McAfee shared her grief journey, her different layers of grief, and how she used them and got inspired to create a maternal child health company for Black women, the Sisters in Loss.

At the age of 14, She first experienced grief when her father died. For many reasons specific to her own grief journey, her grief didn't fully express itself until the death of her 2 angels. The grief that she had felt before somewhat accumulated. She realized that she needed to face grief. She was able to accept it and process her emotions. 

Episode Pointers:

• Grief is always there. Grief is with us forever. You need to face grief at some point.

• If something else traumatic does happen to us like a loss of someone, recognize the feelings that we were feeling at that time and how do we move forward with those feelings so that we can continue on with our life.

• Some people get stuck in grief, and really have this fog that comes over them. They just need additional help to get and remove that fog.Having trusted confidants, counselors and therapists that can help you move that fog away is so important. 

• Grief is gonna come and it’s gonna hit us. When it does;

  • Do we recognize it?

  • Do we understand what’s happening?

  • Are we okay to articulate how we feel in those moments?

  • Are we just gonna be mad at the world because of the traumatic thing or the loss that is happening?

• Hospitals have many resources for grieving moms. They have lists for funeral homes, grave sites for infants, the chance to have your baby’s picture taken or a mold of his/her feet. These are very helpful in supporting grieving moms.

•  There’s so much power in the spoken word and being able to share about something that is deep, and dark, and shameful. The stories of each individual help them to be free and also help free someone else on the other line who’s listening.

• You’d never know how you’re going to relate to someone's story. They could be completely different from yours but there may be one little thing in their story that touches you that gives you a glimmer of hope or a glimmer of joy.

• There’s something about hearing other people's stories that make you feel less alone.

• Celebrate your pregnancy. Document all the milestones of your pregnancy journey. It will keep you hopeful of your pregnancy.

• When anxiety creeps up, lean on your faith. Pray and trust God that you would not go through with the same bad thing again.

• Make sure that you trust your doctor, and that your doctor actually knows you, and wants to fight for you in the situation where you’re unconscious, and they are trying to literally save your life.

• Be comfortable with your health care providers and build a birth team around you, together with your partner. They will help you in navigating the feelings that you may be going through in your pregnancy journey.

• To those who are struggling and feel really alone in their pain, the way you’re feeling right now is normal. Explore that grief more deeply by talking to someone who is a trusted confidant or like a licensed mental health professional.

• Support is sexy. You need a community around you to support you through this journey no matter where you are. So, find your tribe and love one of them hard.

You can connect with Erica through the following:

• Instagram:www.instagram.com/sistersinLoss

• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sistersinloss/

• Website:  www.sistersinloss.com

• Youtube : Sisters in Loss TV

• Podcast :  https://sistersinloss.com/blog/

Recommended book : 

The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

If you want more tools to help you, I have a workshop called Stop Talking Start Feeling, it’s a workshop that dives into emotions, what they are, and how you can begin to feel and process them and get them out of your body instead of stuffing them down. It also goes specifically into processing and releasing the emotions of guilt and sadness. You can get access to this workshop and all the extra things I have in there for only $27. Go to www.stoptalkingstartfeeling.com to check it out. 

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

Some links may contain affiliate links in which I receive a small commission if you decide to purchase something, this helps support the grief work I'm doing.

83: Having Another Baby After Loss

In today’s episode, we are going to talk about pregnancy after loss, specifically the fear of having another baby.

Episode Pointers:

• I’ve talked to many women who are terrified of having another baby. There are so many unknowns, so many things that they fear, including forgetting their baby that died. Maybe they feel like they are trying to replace their baby who died. Another is that they fear losing that baby and having to go through this pain again. 

• These fears stop grieving moms from having another baby because it’s so scary. It’s so unknown and we don’t know what a pregnancy is going to bring. 

• Fear is not the deciding factor of you having another baby or not because fear brings a lot of regret later on in your life.

•  If fear stops you from having another baby, then you never know what the experience would have been like. It is because you only experience it in your mind, which usually is a replay of the past, rather than allowing it to be the way it does happen in real life. 

• Pregnancy after loss is unlike other pregnancies, because once you know loss, you know anything can happen and that it does happen and that it did happen. It’s not just a what if, but it’s real.
  
  I know that getting pregnant doesn’t guarantee a living child, and even after that, our children can die. 

• Once you know deep loss, you can never have a “normal” pregnancy again. Just like you will never be your “normal” self again. It becomes your new normal. The way you experience pregnancy is different than before, and than others who have not had loss.

• We tend to judge this as a bad thing. We get angry that we have to have all these emotions and others don’t understand. It’s all part of your grief journey, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately. 

• Understanding that anxiety is normal, okay, and not a problem. Learn to sit with the anxiety you feel, and know that nothing has gone wrong. Of course you are worried, and even though the worry isn’t going to change the outcome, it’s still there. Be okay with it being there, and also use tools to support you.

• There is not a guarantee that everything will go smoothly or good in your pregnancy, but the reward of having another baby is so great. 

• Just because you have another baby doesn’t mean you stop grieving for your child who have died. But this baby can bring so much joy, yes pain too, but so much joy that helps you come out of deep grief a bit.

• The fears we have in our minds are not always our reality.

•  If you want to have more children, do the grief work. Process your emotions, get help for yourself emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. It will make the whole journey a lot lighter and easier. It doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it can get lighter.

• Quite honestly, I want you to know that pregnancy after loss is different. It comes with more fear and anxiety. It’s normal, and that’s okay. It’s a part of the process. But, find tools to support you, and surround yourself with people that support you, podcasts that support you, websites that support you, groups that support you, so that this fear doesn’t stop you from something you really want. 

Whatever you choose or decide, I want you to know that your grief journey is your own, and process a layer by layer and hold space for what’s going on inside of you.

If you want more tools to help you, I have a workshop called Stop Talking Start Feeling, it’s a workshop that dives into emotions, what they are, and how you can begin to feel and process them and get them out of your body instead of stuffing them down. It also goes specifically into processing and releasing the emotions of guilt and sadness. You can get access to this workshop and all the extra things I have in there for only $27. Go to www.stoptalkingstartfeeling.com to check it out. 

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

82: Encouragement to do Nothing

In this episode, we are going to talk about how taking breaks in your grief works.

Episode Pointers:

• It is a ton of work to manage your mind, your emotions, and sometimes you just want to throw it all out the window and just be where you are at. You recognize that you feel crappy, angry, depressed, but you just don’t want to do anything to change it right now. 

• I talk a lot about the healing work, effort, and mental and emotional work that comes with grief, but sometimes you just want to sit in the muck. Sometimes you just want to have a bad day.

•  We do not need to be happy all of the time. We do not even need to try to be happy all the time or enjoy and soak in every moment. Some moments are exhausting, tiring and you don’t have the energy to try anything else.

• It’s okay to not be doing grief work every moment of your life. It’s okay to zone out for a bit. It’s okay to numb scroll through FB or IG. It’s okay to have a day where you do nothing and sit around all day. Give yourself the break in that way too.

• You cannot be every single moment in the deep grief work. You cannot be in processing mode every second. 

It’s like you step back, take a break, and then you get back to it.

• Give yourself a moment to do whatever you want, that might not necessarily be what you want to choose all the time, but just feels like you need a day for it. 

If you are interested in tools for when you get back up from doing nothing, I have a workshop called Stop Talking Start Feeling, that dives into emotions and thoughts, and how they are so connected to your grief. Then there are sections specifically for guilt and sadness, and how you can begin to process and work through them. If you want to learn more about this workshop, it’s only $27 and you can go to www.stoptalkingstartfeeling.com to learn more!

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community