74 : What is the Difference Between Therapy and Coaching?

Both Therapy and coaching are very essential in our grieving journey. So, how do they differ and how  can they help us in dealing with child loss?

In this episode, we are going to know their importance, difference , and how they affect us in healing and moving forward.

Episode Pointers:

• Most therapists are a place for you to go and talk, to get out the stuff that's coming up inside, to get the words out of your mind. And that feeling is amazing when you are walking with grief and you just need a space to go over your experience.

• If a therapist doesn’t understand grief, they are not the right therapist for you specifically for losing a child. Truly, not everyone is a good fit for everyone. It’s a human to human relationship and sometimes you just don’t click with someone.

• Therapy also tends to focus only on top down processing. This is where you talk only, and don’t get into the sensations of feelings in your body. 

• Therapy is an amazing resource, but something can easily happen. That you begin to develop a dependency relationship of sorts with your therapist. That you need to go to therapy for years and years.

• It doesn’t mean you shouldn't’ ever talk about your experience, but there is a difference in cycling and suffering over and over again, and processing and learning to carry your grief.

• This is why I believe coaching is so powerful. While therapy can easily become a place you continue on for years and years and rehash the past over and over again. Coaching is for someone who wants to learn tools to move forward. Not to get out of the past, but to honor their experiences, honor their child, remember them, never forget and carry them forward with them in their life. 

As a coach, I want my clients to learn the tools to be able to not need me. That is my goal, that my clients’ lives would be so deeply changed, that they would not need me for grief coaching anymore.

• There is this difference. Some therapists do give tools to move forward, to process emotions, a lot of them are a sounding board, a place to talk, a place to vent, a place to get everything out.

• And with coaching, I combine both the talking, but not just talking, not just venting, but when you talk, then we dive deeper. As a coach, I help guide you through experiencing emotion and learning to sit with emotion. 

"I like the different tools you have to offer, and you always come prepared. You always know what to say, even if it's uncomfortable. I feel like you are open and listen. This work is an uncomfortable thing, and you make it more comfortable."

• That there is nothing wrong with you for feeling depression. Sadness. Anger. Anxiety. Fear. These are all emotions that come with grief, but we don’t have to just leave it at that. . Sit with it. Feel it. Truly experience it until the energy of the emotion flows out. Then- you can begin to look at behind it, what are the thoughts that were bringing up that emotion? Do I want to keep them and keep going in this cycle or not? What do I want to do?
  
  So- this is how coaching goes deeper than just talking about it. 

• Grief is not a mental illness. There is nothing wrong with you. You are experiencing a normal response to loss, that yes, can lead to very negative paths if not supported, but in the end it’s still grief, and there is a way to process it.

The biggest thing I would offer to you as you look in your own life, is the person, whether a therapist or a coach you are working with helping you. Do you feel connected to them? Do you feel hope every time you leave?

•  The two biggest things to notice, is do you feel connected to the person you are working with? And at the end of your sessions do you have hope? 

That is the feeling I try to leave my clients with, every time we end a call. The way I end the session is important, and usually they are in a state of calm and peace.

And then- the honest truth is this. What do you want? Do you want to learn how to move forward and build a beautiful life after such a devastating experience, all while holding your child and experience as part of your life, or do you want to stay exactly where you are, even feeling like you are going backwards? This is all up to you. You get to decide. And only you. You get to make the choice.

If you want to apply for a spot for 1:1 Grief Coaching, go to www.meganhillukka.com/griefcoaching

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

73 : A Father’s Perspective

In today’s episode, I have a very special guest who I hold closely to my heart, my dear husband, Justin.

He is going to share with us how he dealt with grief, express it, and how he held our family together during the darkest part of our lives.

Episode pointers:

• We grieve differently. It depends on every individual’s personality.

• It’s easier for a mom to go to another mom to share her grief journey. 

• We often think that husbands are strong enough to handle the grief on their own. They need support, too!

• It’s okay to talk to a grieving dad and bring up the experience.

•  It is really special to have that support from other people.

•  It was really hard to connect and to be on the same page.

• Child loss can put your marriage into a test. It gives anxiety in the relationship. Try to connect to each other and work on your relationship as well.

• Your therapy should be about your grief and not how to support your wife. You are grieving as well. Take care of yourself first.

• If you can cry and express your emotions you feel a lot better afterwards.

• Crying is to show your love to someone who is going through a similar type of grief journey.

Tips for wives to understand their grieving husband:

• Give him his grieving space, give him time to address that and try to talk about it.

• If he is acting differently ,frustrated,has anger ,and  shortness in temper,it may mean that he is  struggling with grief.

• Try to give more space and understanding.

Both of you love your child. Both of you miss her/him them so much but 

the way it’s coming out is different and it is expressed differently.

If you want to apply for a spot for 1:1 Grief Coaching, go to www.meganhillukka.com/griefcoaching

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

72: ANTS Thoughts

“Ants may be tiny but they can definitely ruin your picnic. That’s how our negative thoughts can ruin our day”.

• Dr. Daniel Amen

In this episode, we are going to talk about different types of ANTs ( Automatic Negative Thoughts) , and how we can relate these in grieving.

Episode Pointers:

• Thoughts are real, and they have a direct impact on how you feel and how you behave. 

• “You don’t have to believe every thought that goes through your head. It’s important to think about your thoughts, to see if they help you , or hurt you.

• There are horrible and painful parts of grief, and there are parts where the sun shines, and you can see the beauty because you’ve seen so much darkness.

Types of ANTs:

1.  All or nothing thinking: All good or All bad - We always think that someone or a situation is all good or all bad and nothing in between. Remember life is 50/50. 

2. Always thinking:  That something that happened will always repeat itself. 

3. Focusing on the negative:  If you are looking through the lens of guilt and what you have done wrong, you are focusing on all the reasons why you should be at fault and the reason your child is no longer here. 

4. Thinking with your feelings: This is when you believe your feelings without ever questioning them. However, feeling  a certain way doesn’t mean it’s always true.

5. Guilt Beatings: Guilt is typically not a helpful emotion. Letting go of all the things you should do in your life. The guilt and the stress of saying you should be doing something only makes it harder to do. 

6. Labeling: When you attach a label to yourself or someone else, it doesn’t allow you to take a clear look at the picture.

7.  Blaming: This is all about not taking personal responsibility for your life, and you blame others for the problems in your life. This is really toxic, because it takes away any control you have for yourself and gives it to everyone else around you.

Resource Book :

Change Your Brain, Change Your Life by Dr. Daniel Amen

If you want to apply for a spot for 1:1 Grief Coaching, go to www.meganhillukka.com/griefcoaching

Join my free class on How to Get Through Grief on November 10th. This is for you if you are feeling stuck, lost, and unsure how to move forward. You can go to this link to register:

https://hello71e5ca.clickfunnels.com/webinar-registrationsnm6y6nq

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

Some links may contain affiliate links in which I receive a small commission if you decide to purchase something, this helps support the grief work I'm doing.

71 : Ways to Remember Your Child This Season

In this episode, I am going to share with you some tips on how your child will be noticed or remembered in this holiday season.

If you want your child remembered, plan something or do something that will remember them, and don’t expect or wait for others to do that. So if you want something, in particular, plan it, get it, create it, spread the word, whatever you need to do.

Here are some ideas that we do in particular to remember Aria:

• A picture frame with a lot of pictures of her.

• We light a candle at the gathering that we are at.

• In our home, we have a statue of a little girl, wind chimes, bird feeder. On Christmas, we have a few more things like ornaments.

• Our tradition is that Santa brings something in Aria’s stocking.In her stocking comes a game or puzzle, or last year was a year pass to the science museum.

• We go sing at the cemetery on Christmas Eve. 

• We have gone to Angel of Hope ceremonies, and different events put on by the hospitals.

• For All Saint’s Day, it was a very special moment when Justin had the kids blow out candles we had lit, and before they could blow out the candle, they would say something they remembered about Aria or something they wished they could do with her. 

Keeping your child’s memory alive and talking about them is something I know you want so badly. You never want them to be forgotten. So keep their memory alive. Do things that feel like you can connect to them.

Other things that you can do :

• Bake something they liked

• Write letters to them

• Lit a candle for them

• Ask other people what a memory they have is of them

• Watch some videos if you have some

• Donate to a cause in their name

• If you find something that you could buy for your child and wish you could, buy it and gift it to someone else

• Play their favorite music or music that reminds you of them

• Create a memory book of them

• Create a memory video

• Send out cards

• Do a fundraiser like a 5k run or walk in their memory

If you want to apply for a spot for 1:1 Grief Coaching, go to www.meganhillukka.com/griefcoaching

Join my free class on How to Get Through Grief. This is for you if you are feeling stuck, lost, and unsure how to move forward. You can go to this link to register: https://hello71e5ca.clickfunnels.com/webinar-registrationsnm6y6nq

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

70: Grief as a Child

We have a special guest for this episode, Randi Pearlman Wolfson, who’s going to show us how grief looks into a child’s eyes

She first experienced grief when she lost her dad at the age of 10.There wasn’t any kind of grief support way back then so she failed to process her grief up until she received grief support in her early adulthood.

Episode pointers:

• Teachers should be educated how to handle kids in grief, and teach their classmates how to support their grieving friend.

• Families should have open conversations about a dying family member.

• If there was counseling during that time, she would have expressed her grief in a healthier way.

• It’s never too late to address your grief.

• It’s not grief that sucks, it’s the death that sucks. Grief is what we have to embrace and that’s what can hopefully allow us to move through our life is by embracing the grief. Embracing the feelings that are bubbling within us and to not  be afraid of that.

• Reach out in somewhere or some way so that you will not feel alone.

• Grief is lifelong.

Tips for moms:

• Help yourself  and make sure that you have a place, an outlet, and support because the better that we are supported, the more we have to give to our child.

• Have conversations with your child about their departed loved one

• It is important not be afraid to show your emotions in front of your child

You can get in touch with Randi through :

Fb (Grief and Grits) https://www.facebook.com/griefandgrits

IG : (Grief and Grits) https://www.instagram.com/griefandgrits/

Website : https://www.griefandgrits.com/

Her Book : Eddie’s Brave Journey

If you want to apply for a spot for 1:1 Grief Coaching, go to www.meganhillukka.com/griefcoaching

Join my free class on How to Get Through Grief. This is for you if you are feeling stuck, lost, and unsure how to move forward. You can go to this link to register: https://hello71e5ca.clickfunnels.com/webinar-registrationsnm6y6nq

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group:www.meganhillukka.com/community

69 : Anxiety and Fear Leading Up to the Holidays

For this episode, we are going to focus on the internal work in ways moving through the holidays.

Feeling anxious or dreading the holidays is just normal for a grieving mom. The first thing that you usually say is that your baby/child won’t be here.

You won’t know how big the wave of grief may be on that day , but you know that you are scared and don’t want to feel that dreadful pain.

What if you could just let the wave come, and be okay with  however big it is?

When you are open to the waves, you don’t have to dread them.

Think of this - you have lived through every wave  of grief that has come so far. You have survived every wave.

If you want to apply for a spot for 1:1 Grief Coaching, go to www.meganhillukka.com/griefcoaching

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

68: 3 Ideas to Support You Through the Holidays

Holiday season is a time for happiness and making good memories with your loved ones.

How can a grieving mom experience true happiness if she is still having intense pain and longing for her child?

In these special holiday episodes, I am going to help you in going through this holiday season.

Here are my practical tips for you:

1. Have a plan A, plan B, and plan C.

• Because you truly don’t know when a grief wave will hit, and it’s helpful to have something else you can do if you are just not feeling it that day.

2.  Let go of judgment of how your grief is supposed to be and ride the waves as they come.

• Let yourself grieve, and if you do have moments of joy, allow those to come without judgment.

3. Allow yourself to say NO.

• Use no freely. When you are in deep grief, your tank is beyond empty and you have nothing left to give to others.

If you want to apply for a spot for 1:1 Grief Coaching, go to www.meganhillukka.com/griefcoaching

Join my free class on How to Get Through Grief. This is for you if you are feeling stuck, lost, and unsure how to move forward. You can go to this link to register: https://hello71e5ca.clickfunnels.com/webinar-registrationsnm6y6nq

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

67 : God, Grief and the Work I do

In this episode, I want to share to you how God has given me strength in facing the most difficult and painful aspect in my life, the death of my baby, Aria.

I believe that she’s in Heaven and in a better place. Even if I wanted her back with me, she would not want to come back.

When you are given a trial, God also gives you the strength to be able to get through it.

Even if my faith is so important to me, I have here some reasons why I don’t often talk about it in my coaching :

●     I don’t really like hearing from others about God.  I want to hear from my faith about God and not anywhere else.

●     I believe that no matter what you believe, I can help you through grief with different tools.

●     I don’t believe it’s my job as a grief coach to push my faith or any faith in anyone.

There are things that can help you on your grief journey, no matter what you believe, and I am here to do those things. Give you those tools to support your mind and your body through a very intense and difficult season of your life.

If you want to apply for a spot for 1:1 Grief Coaching, go to www.meganhillukka.com/griefcoaching

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community