73 : A Father’s Perspective

In today’s episode, I have a very special guest who I hold closely to my heart, my dear husband, Justin.

He is going to share with us how he dealt with grief, express it, and how he held our family together during the darkest part of our lives.

Episode pointers:

• We grieve differently. It depends on every individual’s personality.

• It’s easier for a mom to go to another mom to share her grief journey. 

• We often think that husbands are strong enough to handle the grief on their own. They need support, too!

• It’s okay to talk to a grieving dad and bring up the experience.

•  It is really special to have that support from other people.

•  It was really hard to connect and to be on the same page.

• Child loss can put your marriage into a test. It gives anxiety in the relationship. Try to connect to each other and work on your relationship as well.

• Your therapy should be about your grief and not how to support your wife. You are grieving as well. Take care of yourself first.

• If you can cry and express your emotions you feel a lot better afterwards.

• Crying is to show your love to someone who is going through a similar type of grief journey.

Tips for wives to understand their grieving husband:

• Give him his grieving space, give him time to address that and try to talk about it.

• If he is acting differently ,frustrated,has anger ,and  shortness in temper,it may mean that he is  struggling with grief.

• Try to give more space and understanding.

Both of you love your child. Both of you miss her/him them so much but 

the way it’s coming out is different and it is expressed differently.

If you want to apply for a spot for 1:1 Grief Coaching, go to www.meganhillukka.com/griefcoaching

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

72: ANTS Thoughts

“Ants may be tiny but they can definitely ruin your picnic. That’s how our negative thoughts can ruin our day”.

• Dr. Daniel Amen

In this episode, we are going to talk about different types of ANTs ( Automatic Negative Thoughts) , and how we can relate these in grieving.

Episode Pointers:

• Thoughts are real, and they have a direct impact on how you feel and how you behave. 

• “You don’t have to believe every thought that goes through your head. It’s important to think about your thoughts, to see if they help you , or hurt you.

• There are horrible and painful parts of grief, and there are parts where the sun shines, and you can see the beauty because you’ve seen so much darkness.

Types of ANTs:

1.  All or nothing thinking: All good or All bad - We always think that someone or a situation is all good or all bad and nothing in between. Remember life is 50/50. 

2. Always thinking:  That something that happened will always repeat itself. 

3. Focusing on the negative:  If you are looking through the lens of guilt and what you have done wrong, you are focusing on all the reasons why you should be at fault and the reason your child is no longer here. 

4. Thinking with your feelings: This is when you believe your feelings without ever questioning them. However, feeling  a certain way doesn’t mean it’s always true.

5. Guilt Beatings: Guilt is typically not a helpful emotion. Letting go of all the things you should do in your life. The guilt and the stress of saying you should be doing something only makes it harder to do. 

6. Labeling: When you attach a label to yourself or someone else, it doesn’t allow you to take a clear look at the picture.

7.  Blaming: This is all about not taking personal responsibility for your life, and you blame others for the problems in your life. This is really toxic, because it takes away any control you have for yourself and gives it to everyone else around you.

Resource Book :

Change Your Brain, Change Your Life by Dr. Daniel Amen

If you want to apply for a spot for 1:1 Grief Coaching, go to www.meganhillukka.com/griefcoaching

Join my free class on How to Get Through Grief on November 10th. This is for you if you are feeling stuck, lost, and unsure how to move forward. You can go to this link to register:

https://hello71e5ca.clickfunnels.com/webinar-registrationsnm6y6nq

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

Some links may contain affiliate links in which I receive a small commission if you decide to purchase something, this helps support the grief work I'm doing.

71 : Ways to Remember Your Child This Season

In this episode, I am going to share with you some tips on how your child will be noticed or remembered in this holiday season.

If you want your child remembered, plan something or do something that will remember them, and don’t expect or wait for others to do that. So if you want something, in particular, plan it, get it, create it, spread the word, whatever you need to do.

Here are some ideas that we do in particular to remember Aria:

• A picture frame with a lot of pictures of her.

• We light a candle at the gathering that we are at.

• In our home, we have a statue of a little girl, wind chimes, bird feeder. On Christmas, we have a few more things like ornaments.

• Our tradition is that Santa brings something in Aria’s stocking.In her stocking comes a game or puzzle, or last year was a year pass to the science museum.

• We go sing at the cemetery on Christmas Eve. 

• We have gone to Angel of Hope ceremonies, and different events put on by the hospitals.

• For All Saint’s Day, it was a very special moment when Justin had the kids blow out candles we had lit, and before they could blow out the candle, they would say something they remembered about Aria or something they wished they could do with her. 

Keeping your child’s memory alive and talking about them is something I know you want so badly. You never want them to be forgotten. So keep their memory alive. Do things that feel like you can connect to them.

Other things that you can do :

• Bake something they liked

• Write letters to them

• Lit a candle for them

• Ask other people what a memory they have is of them

• Watch some videos if you have some

• Donate to a cause in their name

• If you find something that you could buy for your child and wish you could, buy it and gift it to someone else

• Play their favorite music or music that reminds you of them

• Create a memory book of them

• Create a memory video

• Send out cards

• Do a fundraiser like a 5k run or walk in their memory

If you want to apply for a spot for 1:1 Grief Coaching, go to www.meganhillukka.com/griefcoaching

Join my free class on How to Get Through Grief. This is for you if you are feeling stuck, lost, and unsure how to move forward. You can go to this link to register: https://hello71e5ca.clickfunnels.com/webinar-registrationsnm6y6nq

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

70: Grief as a Child

We have a special guest for this episode, Randi Pearlman Wolfson, who’s going to show us how grief looks into a child’s eyes

She first experienced grief when she lost her dad at the age of 10.There wasn’t any kind of grief support way back then so she failed to process her grief up until she received grief support in her early adulthood.

Episode pointers:

• Teachers should be educated how to handle kids in grief, and teach their classmates how to support their grieving friend.

• Families should have open conversations about a dying family member.

• If there was counseling during that time, she would have expressed her grief in a healthier way.

• It’s never too late to address your grief.

• It’s not grief that sucks, it’s the death that sucks. Grief is what we have to embrace and that’s what can hopefully allow us to move through our life is by embracing the grief. Embracing the feelings that are bubbling within us and to not  be afraid of that.

• Reach out in somewhere or some way so that you will not feel alone.

• Grief is lifelong.

Tips for moms:

• Help yourself  and make sure that you have a place, an outlet, and support because the better that we are supported, the more we have to give to our child.

• Have conversations with your child about their departed loved one

• It is important not be afraid to show your emotions in front of your child

You can get in touch with Randi through :

Fb (Grief and Grits) https://www.facebook.com/griefandgrits

IG : (Grief and Grits) https://www.instagram.com/griefandgrits/

Website : https://www.griefandgrits.com/

Her Book : Eddie’s Brave Journey

If you want to apply for a spot for 1:1 Grief Coaching, go to www.meganhillukka.com/griefcoaching

Join my free class on How to Get Through Grief. This is for you if you are feeling stuck, lost, and unsure how to move forward. You can go to this link to register: https://hello71e5ca.clickfunnels.com/webinar-registrationsnm6y6nq

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group:www.meganhillukka.com/community

69 : Anxiety and Fear Leading Up to the Holidays

For this episode, we are going to focus on the internal work in ways moving through the holidays.

Feeling anxious or dreading the holidays is just normal for a grieving mom. The first thing that you usually say is that your baby/child won’t be here.

You won’t know how big the wave of grief may be on that day , but you know that you are scared and don’t want to feel that dreadful pain.

What if you could just let the wave come, and be okay with  however big it is?

When you are open to the waves, you don’t have to dread them.

Think of this - you have lived through every wave  of grief that has come so far. You have survived every wave.

If you want to apply for a spot for 1:1 Grief Coaching, go to www.meganhillukka.com/griefcoaching

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

68: 3 Ideas to Support You Through the Holidays

Holiday season is a time for happiness and making good memories with your loved ones.

How can a grieving mom experience true happiness if she is still having intense pain and longing for her child?

In these special holiday episodes, I am going to help you in going through this holiday season.

Here are my practical tips for you:

1. Have a plan A, plan B, and plan C.

• Because you truly don’t know when a grief wave will hit, and it’s helpful to have something else you can do if you are just not feeling it that day.

2.  Let go of judgment of how your grief is supposed to be and ride the waves as they come.

• Let yourself grieve, and if you do have moments of joy, allow those to come without judgment.

3. Allow yourself to say NO.

• Use no freely. When you are in deep grief, your tank is beyond empty and you have nothing left to give to others.

If you want to apply for a spot for 1:1 Grief Coaching, go to www.meganhillukka.com/griefcoaching

Join my free class on How to Get Through Grief. This is for you if you are feeling stuck, lost, and unsure how to move forward. You can go to this link to register: https://hello71e5ca.clickfunnels.com/webinar-registrationsnm6y6nq

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

67 : God, Grief and the Work I do

In this episode, I want to share to you how God has given me strength in facing the most difficult and painful aspect in my life, the death of my baby, Aria.

I believe that she’s in Heaven and in a better place. Even if I wanted her back with me, she would not want to come back.

When you are given a trial, God also gives you the strength to be able to get through it.

Even if my faith is so important to me, I have here some reasons why I don’t often talk about it in my coaching :

●     I don’t really like hearing from others about God.  I want to hear from my faith about God and not anywhere else.

●     I believe that no matter what you believe, I can help you through grief with different tools.

●     I don’t believe it’s my job as a grief coach to push my faith or any faith in anyone.

There are things that can help you on your grief journey, no matter what you believe, and I am here to do those things. Give you those tools to support your mind and your body through a very intense and difficult season of your life.

If you want to apply for a spot for 1:1 Grief Coaching, go to www.meganhillukka.com/griefcoaching

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community

66 : The Words You Say and Speak

In this episode, we are going to know how powerful words are especially in grief. 

We can connect the words in our thoughts, and use them to communicate how we are feeling.That’s the reason why we need to be careful on what we think, and what we say to ourselves and to other people.

Here are some points for this episode :

• We label emotions as GOOD or BAD. We embrace GOOD emotions and we avoid BAD emotions.

• The more you repeat the words and thoughts again and again, the more you believe them. No matter how true or untrue they are.

• Choose the right words. They make a huge difference not only how you connect with others, but how you feel about yourself.

If you want to apply for a spot for 1:1 Grief Coaching, go to www.meganhillukka.com/griefcoaching

If you are a grieving mother and looking for others who know the pain of child loss, come join my free Grieving Moms Community Facebook group: www.meganhillukka.com/community