I See You.

I see you, clutching on to your childs clothes, trying to hold on to their smell.

I see you, hardly able to get out of bed because there doesn’t seem to be any point.

I see you, screaming and crying out loud because your heart hurts so bad.

I see you, dreading the holidays, their birthday, and death date.

I see you, anxious that someone else is going to die.

I see you, wondering why of all the people in the world this happened to you and your child.

I see you, getting angry at the world.

I see you, replaying and replaying how you could have saved your child if you only did one thing different.

I see you, having happy and sad moments, not knowing it was possible to feel such joy and such pain at the same time.

I see you, sick of being depressed and sad.

I see you in your pain, your agony, your questions and fears.

I see you at the cemetary, not believing that beneath that hard ground lay your childs body.

I see you, afraid to be around others because they don’t understand your pain

I see you, struggling to find a way through the pain.

I see you, rebuilding your life, brick by brick.

I see you, as you smile or laugh for the first time then feel guilty.

I see you, when the days since your child died turns in to weeks, then months, then years.

I see you, when your childs memory becomes harder and harder to recall.

I see you, when the crying comes a little less often.

I see you, when grief starts to become a comfortable companion.

I see you, as you go from anger, to saddness, to depression, to pain, to anger, to frustration, and on and on.

I see you, with the guilt, the fear, the anger, the sadness, the doubts, the whole range of emotions you didn’t know could be felt.

I see you, and I know you.

You are not alone in your pain. You are not alone and each time you let yourself feel your pain and emotions, you start to understand and know them a little bit more.

Let yourself grieve.