There is huge expectation from society to be done grieving in a few days

The beginning of grief it was easier for me to allow grief in and to grieve openly because it was so obvious that I would be grieving. But as time goes on, grief really doesn’t have such a front seat in my life, and everyone might not realize the depth of grief and how vast it is in my life.

Here are some tools I’ve used to allow myself to grieve, even after many years.

-Allow space for my emotions and feelings

-Use something else to trigger the build up of emotions

-realize that I can’t always pinpoint everything to grief as time goes on, but that grief becomes a part of who I am. I can blame everything on grief, or I can take steps forward whether it’s grief or not.

-Begin discovering who I am

-Acknowledge that everyone else will move on- this doesn’t mean you are not allowed to grieve.

-I Clearly remember the things people have said to me in grief.

-Clearly, God knew you could handle it, because I couldn’t.

-You are so strong.

-God wouldn’t give you more than you could handle.

Quite honestly, I know I was blessed with the support that I received, yet the comments of some really hurt.

The more I’ve learned, the more I know, that other people cannot hurt me by what they say. They do not control my emotions. I am in control of my emotions. I am the one who makes me sad, or angry, or hurt. Not someone else.

Ex. Someone made the comment God knew you could handle it, because I couldn’t.

I think: As if I could handle it, I’m not handling it very well. I didn’t ask for this either.

My feelings come from that thought, and then I’m angry, frustrated, and then I take the stance that they are unthoughtful, they are insensitive, they are a bad person.

Someone could make this comment, “God knew you could handle it, because I couldn’t”

I think: You can’t handle it right now, becuase you are not given this trial to hand it right now. I am given strength from God because it is my trial now. I didn’t think I could handle it before either.

My feelings- more compassion for the other person

I respond to that person with more love, and knowing that they do not fully understand what it’s like to be me, and I also don’t understand what it’s like to be them, with their own seen or unseen trials.

The more I take responsibility for my emotions and thoughts, the less I react strongly to what people say.

EX. Someone saying you are a blue monkey.

If you understand that your thoughts about what they say are creating the say you feel, you can begin to hold those thoughts, and decide if that’s what you want to think or not. It’s okay if you decide that you do want to think that. But acknowledge that that is what is creating what that person said.

• -Who is Lindsay, and how has grief played a role in your life?

  -What is it like to grieve someone you don’t remember?

  -You are doing kickboxing for PTSD, can you tell me about that?

  -On Instagram you said you are working with a somatic therapist, what does that mean?

  -You are very open about therapy, what do you feel is so helpful about therapy?

  -How did the Joyful Jewelry Box come to be?

• There's nothing wrong with medication

  • Medication suppresses Emotion and Feelings

  • Can You Survive without your Medications?

  • Do you need to rely on Medication? 

  If you like The Cultivated Family Podcast, can you share it with someone who benefits from it as well?

  Also, if you want to take a moment to review The Cultivated Family Podcast we would be so grateful!

  You can join me on Instagram 

  I also have a free Facebook group for grieving mothers

1. Mental Health is not a given- it can be taken away in an instant.

2. The deeper the depth of pain the we feel, the greater the expanse of joy we can feel. 

Pain is a part of life, when we allow it to be and learn how to cope with it, we have so much more room for joy

1. Healing is possible, it just looks different than I expected

2. Grief is forever, there is not a race that you run to get rid of your grief.

3. My life is not over.

Hey friends! Today I’m talking with Shelby Forthsyia, a fellow human doing grief work, and spreading support and awareness about grief. It was so fun to chat with someone who is also deep in learning about how you can support yourself and others in grief. Through the experience of losing her mother, Shelby has learned that she needed to give herself Permission to Grieve. That by dissociating, or pretending everything is okay was not helping her live her fullest life. I’m so excited for you to hear all of Shelby’s knowledge about grief and how we can begin to give ourselves permission to grieve.

-Who is Shelby, and how did you come to know grief?

-Your story of the first time giving yourself permission to grieve is powerful. Can you share that story?

-How does one go about giving themselves permission to grieve?

-I want to read a passage from your book about feeling your feelings(if that is okay?)

-There is so much fear in feeling our feelings. I talk often about allowing our feelings in and how they soften when we let them in and allow ourselves to move with our emotions in whatever way feels right for us.

-Does working with grief daily ever get heavy?

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shelbyforsythia/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/shelbyforsythia/
Website: http://www.shelbyforsythia.com/
Recommended Reading: 

• Option B

• There Is No Good Card For This

• Permission to Grieve 

Grief is hard

Grief needs to be fought

Grief is evil and horrible

Common things people say or think with grief.

Need to stay strong, keep busy, keep moving, don’t think

I get it. 

-it feels painful

-it feels foreign

-it feels like if you allow yourself to feel you will go down the hole

-it feels like life shouldn’t hurt so bad

Need to be strong:

What does this mean? What could it mean?

Keeping busy:

What’s the purpose behind it?

Don’t think:

Why? Because you will get emotional?

This can be helpful for a time, but it’s not a long term coping mechanism with grief

So, if grief is the bad person in the room that needs to be fought does everyone believe that’s true? What do you think the people who have learned how to live with grief believe? I would say I’ve learned to carry my grief, and integrate it into my life, and what I have not done is fought my grief. I have sat with my grief and allowed it to be. 

When we pay attention to our grief, our thoughts, and slow down, that’s when we can actually be aware of what’s going on. I believe this is the only way we can begin to mesh our lives with grief. 

There is a limbo period. Where you don’t really know which way is up or down. Where these moments feel mixed up and heavy.

Honor where you are at. Can you have compassion for yourself in your grief right now

-What 3 emotions do I feel?

-Story of in Florida 

-Future

-What if your story isn’t over?

-Who do you want to be?

-How can you mesh grief in your life?

-How can you honor your child and remember them, while still fully living this life you have been given?